Want a penis enlargement?

It's nice to see the hacks that jumped all over my old blog after I abandoned it have at least kept my banner up...

http://iamdum.blogspot.com/

I wonder if I could sue someone for that........

nick

I'm back now

I miss(ed) this blog so much. So now, I'm back. I think I'll start my comeback with this little video... because it sums up very nicely how happy I am to be back...



YES!

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. But when I watch this... I laugh my fucking self to sleep.

mmm... it's good to be back.

nick

Now you see me...

Well kiddies, it looks like my blogging days are numbered. Or at least, less numbered. It seems the server at work no longer cares much for blogger, or any blog site for that matter. I can't really read your blogs (at work) and I can't really post on mine (at work). While I can still post from home (they can't get me here), it certainly won't be with the regular frequency you all look forward to. I will still post, until the computer burns my retinas and cripples my lower body. Honestly, after sitting at a computer all day, and then having to come home and do it some more, I don't expect that to take long.

You win corporate America, you fucking horror. You win.

Nick

Picture Monday

Been a while since I've posted some pics. Here's some of the boy and a recent home poker game. Aren't everyone just darlin'?

You thought Minnesota was sore when we left...

Well, you may have gathered from the post the other day that we were asked to go to Mexico with some friends. Well, we've decided that we're going to go. It took a little prodding for both of us. Mainly for two reasons.

First is, we don't like to fly. We've done it before, and we'll do it again, but if we can avoid it at all... we do.

Personally, were it up to me (it's actually not), I would be perfectly content with hopping in the car and driving down to Cancun. I've heard some parts of Mexico can get a little hairy though, so, probably not the best idea. Hell, we almost died in New Orleans, can you imagine us in the middle of Mexico? By the way, when I think of Mexico, I think of the same pungent piss smell that consumed New Orleans, even before the flood. It's something you just have to live with the rest of your life, once you've witnessed it.

The second reason we needed a little convincing by ourselves that we should go to Cancun, was, well... it's with other people. Another couple. I've tried, and I'm just not sure I can visualize how travelling with two other people is a benefit to anyone. It's one thing to try to convince one person that you would rather sit on the beach drinking Coronas all day rather than trek thru the Mexican jungle looking for things that are lost for a reason. If I have to convince three people, or even two, I might just need to switch to Tequila. And Tequila hates me...

But, when it was all said and done... we decided to say yes. Because who the hell in their right mind, says no, to this:



If I believed in heaven, and I don't, this is what I would believe it looked like...

Nick

Go die.

It's nice to know that when you're black, there's a group of people who will stick up for you no matter what you do. The Atlanta chapter of the NAACP has now come out defending Michael Vick after he pleaded guilty to federal dog fighting charges.

I mean this sincerely, what exactly does a black person have to do before the NAACP will rip them?

"As a society, we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football," said R.L. White, president of the NAACP's Atlanta chapter. "We further ask the NFL, Falcons, and the sponsors not to permanently ban Mr. Vick from his ability to bring hours of enjoyment to fans all over this country."

That makes me want to barf. And when I hear other athletes, and public figures defend this thug, I want to keep on barfing. Even if you don't like animals, even if you hate dogs, how in the hell can you justify dog fighting? How can you defend the creeps and thugs who face off two animals and let them fight until death?

White said he does not support dogfighting and that he considers it as bad as hunting.

"His crime is, it was a dog," White said.

There you have it. The second strongest human trait - rationalization.

Nick

I know a lot of people, but I don't have any friends...

I was reading over my horoscope this morning, as I do every morning. You never know when it may contain valuable information. I know when it doesn't, which is every day, but I read it anyways. I don't really believe in horoscopes, but then, I don't believe in the Easter Bunny either, and I still eat a shit load of candy on Easter.

So, today, my horoscope started in this fashion:

Memories of an awkward moment in a friendship still hang in the air -- don't you think it's time for one of you to reach out and make an effort to reconnect?

I thought, wow, that makes sense. But then, all of my friendships are full of awkward moments, which one are they talking about? I've just never been a very good friend. I think mostly because I despise the telephone, and thus, I never call my friends and I often avoid any incoming calls. I figure if I don't want to hang out, what's the point of talking on the phone? If I can't reduce a phone call to "what time do you want to meet at the bar?", it involves too much talking, and I hate talking on the phone. And when I say hate, I really mean really fucking hate.

And then I started to think about what it would be like to have that one friend that you're always with. You don't have to call them up, they're just there. Or you're just there. When you look at some of the more famous friendships of our time, they were never talking on the phone. There were never awkward moments. Why can't I have a friendship like that?

Like, for example, Norm and Cliff.



You know they never had to call each other on the phone. They always met at the bar. It's nice and simple. Not complicated and awkward.

Or George and Jerry.



George would just pop over, ring the buzzer, and they would hang out. He never called and said, "Hey, whatchya doin'?" And Jerry never replied, "Nothin. You?"

Or what about Balki and... that other dude?



Uh. Yeah, I don't know about that one...

Here's a good one though, Joey and Chandler.



Of course, they lived together, so that's a little different. And they had a foosball table, which would just eliminate the awkwardness altogether. Then you could just call your friend and say, "Hey, I'm coming over for some foosball. I'll bring some beer too." It's all good.

You know what would really be the best friend situation though? Being friends with the cast of Three's Company...



Oh, who am I kidding. I really would have just loved to be Jack. That guy had it made... But, can't really say that that got him anywhere, can ya?

I guess, when you think about it, having good friends never got any of these people anywhere. Except cancelled. Maybe I'm better off not having any friends.

Nick

Sandwich blogging

* Our weekend was pretty action packed. I'll try to summarize.

* Saturday during the day we had a brat fry for the poker league I'm in. I think one could come to a couple of conclusions about this. 1 - brat fries don't make any money, and 2 - everyone has something better to do during the summer. We cashed a cool $50, and no one I invited showed up. What do you do? At least the wife came along with the boy. She's my only friend I guess... ./sob story

* I did double my money in a poker tournament we did at the brat fry though. In fact, I was looking over my finishes (I'm a dork and keep track of them), and I've cashed in 4 of my last 5 tournaments. Pay no attention to the big bucks I'm raking in, but it's a sign that my game is improving. Observe:



* Saturday night the wife and I attended our 10 year high school reunion. I don't have any crazy stories, and we didn't have sex on the golf course, which is disappointing... but I will say this. After seeing some of these people for the first time in 10 years, I feel pretty damn good about myself. Yup.

* How about I cut my loses with this post, spare you, and just post some music. These are a couple of songs from Kirsten Jones. She's from Canada hey. She reminds me of Sheryl Crow a bit.



Nick

Is that a cd in your mp3 player, or...

Here's a groovy idea from designer Yong-Seong Kim. It's an .mp3 player. No, it's a cd player. Eh, it's both?

Not sure why exactly you would want to play cds when you have a collection of .mp3s, but in case you did... here's the solution. Cds really just bother me. With the technology to put millions of songs on computer chips you can't even see with the naked eye, why in the hell should I carry around a big plastic disc that can fit 25-30 songs max.?



In other news, are we actually arguing about whether this guy killed someone??? Whether he did or didn't wouldn't you want to convict him if you were on the jury? We should not be subjected to shit like this... Phil. Phil Phil Phil... what are you thinking? You're on trial for murder! Wake up, it's not 1976 anymore!

This bitch has too much time on her hands...

Sometimes I find it hard to be human. I just find it so hard to relate to others sometimes. Like this bitch, Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word [bitch], saying it creates "a paradigm of shame and indignity" for all women.

"They buried the n-word, but what about the other words that really affect women, such as 'b,' and 'ho'? That's a vile attack on our womanhood," Ms. Mealy said in a telephone interview.

Where am I? Our civilization has come this far for this?

You know what's scary about all this? Not only do we have people that are this fucking stupid in our world, they're running our cities, and states, and our country. They're elected officials in charge of making sure our society functions, and that law and order are in place.

If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, I don't know what will...

Nick

Happy Birthday me!

Wow. I am impressed again, and honored! The wife really went out of her way this year for my birthday...

I'd like to thank all the other pimps out there, for making me look so damn good.

Nick

From here on out...

* Does it surprise you that I've already bored myself with a poker blog? I really wish I had the discipline to write about one topic, but alas, my ADD won't allow it. I promise I won't keep changing the title of this blog, but someday it may make sense. In the meantime, I'll post on whatever. I think it will be more enjoyable for all.

* First off, kudos to the wife. She planned and fully executed a surprise birthday party for me and another friend on Saturday. It was a ton of fun, and despite drinking until well in the morning, I didn't wake up hungover. However, after only 3 1/2 hours of sleep, I did wake up very tired... It's not all that fun to drink all night when you have a child to retrieve from Grandmas early in the morning...

* I did manage to sneak in some poker games Saturday during the day (that's how they got me out of the house...) and Saturday night. I lost $10 during the day but stayed in long enough to fend off the other drunks Saturday night, and split a $70 prize. So, $25 up on the day... not bad.

* My friends are by far the most dysfunctional when it comes to relationships. It's really quite boring. Every time we see certain couples, they're drunk and fighting, and it's no coincidence that the two go hand in hand. I felt like telling a few people to just grow up on Saturday. At least act like you're adults when you're around other people.

* The wife and I don't have many couples-friends to do stuff with. Will you be our friends?

* Is it just me, or does everyone have a certain person that just drains the life out of them? Kind of like Bill Lumberg in the movie Office Space. You do everything you can to avoid them, but they're always there. And they really just piss you off so bad that you can't focus on anything else. I can't say I want to kill a certain person, that's not necessary, I just wish I could never have to talk to them again. I wonder if anyone feels that about me...

* I turn 28 tomorrow. Bleh. Birthdays seem like such a hassle as you get older. Gone are the days of people just coming over and unloading cool presents on you. Now I have to buy bagles on my way to work for all the goats I work with. That's bull, people should be buying stuff for me. Better yet, I shouldn't have to work. You should never have to work on your own birthday. I'm bitter.

Nick (still 27... and loving it.)

The table project and some free time...

Here's a look at the table project. When I'm done, I'm hoping for something to this effect:



Might need some crafty help from the wife on this one :) The problem with my table is the outside edge is only about 1 1/2", which doesn't lend well to stapling the rail material (the black part) and hiding the staples well. We'll have to get creative.

I think for the middle, just a thin piece of wood with some felt will work well. It will be raised up more, but I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing.

Aside from that, the wife went out tonight, so after the boy went down I played a few free rolls on Poker Stars. I don't play for real money online anymore, because, besides being a hassle to get your money in with all the stupid new laws, I'm not big of internet play. I like being able to look at someone when I'm playing. Too many fishes ands donkeys out there playing online to put much money on it. It's just not really my idea of poker. But... the free rolls give me my poker fix when I can get it. Which isn't much.

I played one No Limit Hold 'Em sit and go with 27 players. Someone went all-in on the first hand, and I had A-10, so I figured my chances were as good as any to double up right away. I hate doing that, because that's really not poker, but what the hell. I missed and was out.

Then I played a HORSE tournament with 4,000 players. 27 spots were awarded free buy in to a $1000 round two tournament. HORSE is a limit game, with a combination of Hold 'Em, Omaha Hi/Low, Razz, seven card Stud and seven card Stud Hi/Low. Each time the deal goes around, you switch games. I did fairly well for a while, and then busted out on a table of mostly people sitting out. Only three of us were playing, and at that point, all your hands look decent. There were about 2,000 players left when I went out.

Next was a HORSE sit and go with eight players. Busted out sixth, because the person to my left just raised everything with anything. Not too much fun, so I blew all my chips away and quit.

But... looks like Saturday during the day there might be another friendly cash game going down, so we'll see what happens. As well, there is a pot limit Omaha tournament a few hours north on Sunday, but doubt I'll make it to that. For only a $10 buy-in, it's not really worth the drive, although it would be fun to play an Omaha tournament. Not too many of those around. Oh well.

Nick

More music

I was thinking about some more music to put on here, and instantly thought of an Elliot Smith cover song that Mason Jennings does, Angeles. I think it fits this blog well because the lyrics remind me of poker...

And what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
So glad to meet you
Angeles
Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made
Go on and lose the gamble that's the history of the trade
You add up all the cards left to play to zero
And sign up with evil
Angeles

I like Mason's version because it's live and was done in a theater, which adds a cool effect. When we seen him in Milwaukee, it was at the old Pabst Theater, which is beyond cool. It took me a few 16oz Pabsts to get past the vertigo from being in that place though...

I was thinking too... It says in my profile that I'm 27, which I am. But next week I'll turn 28. When I think of some of the famous musicians that died at 27, it'll be kind of nice to make it past it. Probably jinxing myself here... When you consider though that people like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, just to name a few, all died at 27. Weird.

Anyways, here's the song, Angeles. It's good stuff, give it a listen.



Nick

Where ya going?

It took me a while, but I've finally settled on a new blog location and name. We'll see how it goes. This isn't my first blog, I've had several before this, but it's my first attempt to narrow the scope of the content. The plan is to mainly deal with poker and music, but from past experience, few people care about those topics enough to read about them daily, so I'll mix it up with some other topics as well. There are enough to go around, that's for sure... home remodeling, parenting, school, yadda yadda yadda.

In the poker world, I've been spending the off-time from the poker league I'm in to look into creating my own custom table. I already have a store bought table, but it's pretty basic. The idea is to take a round dining room table we had sitting in our basement and convert it. It should be an interesting project. More to come on that.

Also in poker, a few friends came over Sunday night to play a cash game. It was an interesting mix of quality. Three friends have played quite a bit in the past, and the other two either have never played before or only played once. Buy-in was $10 with unlimited rebuys, and I ended the night $50 up.

One thing I've noticed in playing with new players, both in tournaments and friendly cash games, it's hard (read: impossible) to get them off hands sometimes. If they pick up anything, or have a decent starting hand, no matter what you bet... they aren't folding. It leads to the occasional unnecessary suckout (aren't they all???) and in my opinion, only emboldens their bad play. Perhaps it's only experience that can tell a player to fold when they should fold. I think the way to handle these situations is to be patient and keep pots with them in it as small as possible, if for nothing else, to keep any suckouts that occur as painless as possible.

Many times when pros play with amateurs, they will try to keep the pot small pre-flop, and try to out-play them after the flop. I think they're on to something with that strategy.

We might as well throw some music out there too eh? I found on The Late Greats an interesting cover of a Blind Willie Johnson song called Nobody's Fault But Mine. It's by John Renbourn.

http://www.box.net/shared/xrvjkftm9b

And, of course, I found this interesting because one of my favorite musicians, Mason Jennings also does a cover of this song.

http://www.box.net/shared/cr1exmvulx

Nick

Balls on parade...

As you may or may not be aware, I've been celebrating my Spanish heritage since 1963 by running with the bulls in Spain. Here I am enjoying a nice cold beer during this year's running.

I have never, ever, seen such a disgusting spectacle as this though.

Is it now too much to ask to wear man panties with a kilt?

This guy may have balls, but they were sure as hell schriveled up after this. Dumbass.

Nick

Fuck you Friday

You didn't think I would miss out on Fuck you Friday, did you? Well, since I've been doing mostly music related posts lately, I think I'll stick with that. And one of the biggest fuck you bands was one we discussed the other day, FEAR. A lovely band who has been around since 1977, FEAR is one of the original American punk rock bands. And I believe the only one to ever play Saturday Night Live, even though the set was cut. Quite an accomplishment for a punk band though :) They were featured on the first Decline of Western Civilization as well, which is a funky documentary and soundtrack if you can get your hands on it.

I stuck a couple of songs up from their best album (IMO), Live... For the Record. I hope you like them, because I like them.

Love ya
Nick

Hands in the air, Rockabye your bear...

I don't like to put mainstream, commercial music on my blog. It just seems like they're more likely to sue your ass, as opposed to lesser known artists, who just want to get their music out there. But I made an exception and uploaded a few songs from the Rockabye Baby albums. They won't stay up long, so check them out.

And then go to their website and buy some cds (compact discs).

Love ya
Nick

Hello?

Why didn't anyone tell me about this? I'm in love all over again...

I'll post more when I regain consciousness.

Nick

This post contains everything you didn't want to know about me...

I've always really wanted to come out of the closet. You know how some people make this big deal about coming out of the closet and announcing they're gay... or that they're 38 and still playing video games... or they're becoming a woman...

Our old dentist actually sent us a two page letter in the mail at one time explaining that he, was now becoming a she. It was one of most awkward pieces of writing I've ever had the displeasure of reading.

Back to the closet, and me coming out of it. Now, once upon a time, I sort of came out of a small closet and announced that I was bisexual. But, I think anyone who has been reading this blog for any amount of time already knew of my rather deviant activities, especially relating to sex, so it probably wasn't a real big shocker. And it's no fun to come out of the closet if the door was already half open...

I actually have two confessions to make in this post, or "coming outs", if you will. I expect that when I divulge my first "coming out", a lot of people will lose what little respect they had for me. Upon my second "coming out", I suspect I will have to close this blog for lack of readers... But, no one comes out of the closet with the expectation that life will ever be how it once was. That's the risk you take. So, here I go...

Oh god, how do I say this... Oh, come on, just say it. Ok... I like techno. There! I said it! I like to listen to techno!!! I have a lot of goofy interests when it comes to music, and one of them is techno. It really started back in my drug-doing days. The first time I did acid, a bunch of us spent the night at a friend's house, and one of my friends was the hippy/goofy/techno type. He blasted this music thru the house all night that really drove several of us to edge of insanity. But it was fun. The music was trippy.

I've never been a raver type though. You know, the kids who take a bunch of weird drugs like ecstasy and suck on those ring sucker things... yeah, not me. I did go to an outdoor rave once though. It was in a city park, in the middle of the day. A bunch of djs just set up in a park shelter, with their turntables and enough damn electronics to power a KISS concert. And then imagine 50 or 60 kids running around the park with so much pot and acid that people were just giving it away, and throwing it on the ground. And we grew up in a very capitalistic drug scene. Nothing was free, and no way were drugs ever wasted. But, it was a weird, weird, very weird day...

So yeah, me and techno... whodathunkit? By the way, the hot wife absolutely hates techno, so you're not alone in your disgust and disdain.

And now, if you've thrown up already reading this post, I would suggest just closing your browser. What I'm about to tell you is not for the faint of heart. Ugh... this hurts... Ok, while I'm not exactly a fan of the group, I like a couple of extended dance mix versions from a group called Tatu...

Most sane people are scratching their heads... "who the fuck is Tatu?" Well, you may or may not remember, a couple of years ago they came on to the MTV scene with a song called "All the things she said". And then there was this big controversy about their manager, who just put two Russian girls together and paraded them out as lesbian schoolgirls who run around in their underwear and make out in the pouring rain. Apparently there's a market for that kind of stuff? Who knows...

I realize that extended dance mix version is just a nice way of saying shitty techno, but something about girls singing in Russian to shitty techno does it for me. Hey, it's not my fault they were poor Russian girls taken advantage of by some weirdo, pervert manager and exploited by an American culture obsessed with sex (me)... Actually, I'm really just obsessed with female singers.

Well, if I'm going to hell, you might as well come with. So, some Tatu over in the box.

Love ya
Nick

Q & A

steve asks: "your pic shows you with a guitar. you say you were once in a band, but you're not now. why?"

Besides not being that good on guitar? LOL I was never cut out to be in a band really. Don't get me wrong, I love rockin' out, but as far as practicing, and getting gigs and all that... it just isn't me. I'm an introvert, and they don't seem to do well in bands. Unless they're drummers LOL Aside from that, I really have always loved my acoustic more than an electric. Not too many acoustic bands out there :)

steph! asks: "True or False...the opening perfomance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" in the movie 'Old School' is one of the top ten best opening scenes in a movie?"

It's not really an opening to the movie, but I do love that scene. The Dan Band is funny as hell :) BTW - a little trivia for you, what is THE best opening scene to a movie? The winning answer gets a prize...

"Or...fill-in the following blank: If I had a million dollars I'd" quit my job and sleep all day. And pay off all my bills and buy a new house in the country with a mile long driveway and a kick ass hot tub in the back that we could get naked in :)

"And (because I want to hear this one) how old is your child and do you plan on having anymore?"

Braeden is 8 months old, and no, we don't plan to have anymore. It would just push out the day that I can run around the house naked even further...

Nick

Hows about I talk about me?

As is customary in my world, since interviews are flying around again, feel more than free to ask any questions you may have of me. Or if there is a topic you would like to see discussed here, I'm always open to topic suggestions. I have a zillion post topics saved up and ready to go, but it's always hit and miss with what interests ya'll. Well... usually it's miss... Ya'll are a hard group to generate interest with...

I would imagine this will be a bit of a slow week in the blogging world, with the holiday smack dab in the middle of the week and all, so perhaps we can spice it up a little bit with some reader feedback, questions or suggestions.

Love ya
Nick

Take me out to the ballgame...

We took a little trip yesterday, to invade enemy territory and show them how baseball is really played. And of course, the Brewers spanked the Cubbies 13-4.

We even got to see Scottie Pippen when we were driving down Addison St. on our way to Wrigley. He was in his black Escalade right next to us! I wasn't convinced it was even him, until we get to the park, and sure enough, who's throwing out the first pitch? Scottie Pippen. Nice...

It was a good day, and one of my lifelong dreams was fulfilled.



btw - I'll get to interviews probably tomorrow.

Nick

Fuck you Friday, and, Interview time, again...

The interviews strike again. This time it's the little things... flings some questions over. And I answer.


1. I know you have a young child. If I told you the only way he would have a happy life is if you were to walk out right now and never see him again, would you do it?

Consider me gone. The happiness of my child is infinitely more important than mine. I know that even if I wasn't around, he would have a wonderful family structure around him and he would be raised properly. He's a smart boy, I know he would do fine.

2. If the Hot Wife were to leave you tomorrow, what would be your plan to carry out the rest of your life?

I guess the first thing I would do is start looking for an apartment... And then I would hit the bars looking for cute little blonde college girls to take home and (beep) in the (beep). Eat your heart out hot wife.... Hey, you left me, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore!

Honestly, I would probably spend several weeks shocked and depressed. Aside from being my wife, mother to my child and contributor to the household, the hot wife is really my best friend. We essentially do most everything together, and she's the only person in the world that I know I can trust and can tell anything to. That would be a huge hole in my life that I know I would really struggle to fill.

I don't know that I would have a plan. I've never been one to plan. I guess I would just try to take it one day at a time and... fuck, I don't know. I'd be bored, that's for sure.

3. If you could walk away from your current life for one month and go anywhere and do anything and no one would ever find out what it is....what would that be?

Man, would I just love some fucking sleep! I would spend half the time just catching up on sleep. And then I would spend the other half in Vegas at the World Series of Poker, playing every single tournament.

4. If our laws were to suddenly become those of Iran and you were in danger of being labeled a "Corruptor of the World", would you change anything about your lifestyle? If so, what?

I'd probably just move to Canada :) I would not thrive in such a conservative and oppressive society, even if I did make immediate lifestyle changes (stop having sex with the shades open) to avoid being executed. Sooner or later the mullahs would find something to lock me up for (amateur porn websites).

5. If you could bring one person back to life, who would it be?

I would bring the hot wife's father back to life. I would love nothing more to bring my own father back to life, but unlike her, I was fortunate enough to be able to have a father in my life into adulthood. Her father passed away when she was very young and I think it would make a lot of dreams come true for her, and her whole family, to be able to spend time with him. I could also use some boxing lessons :)

And then, even though I've interviewed several of you, rules are rules:

Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Nick

Sweet Momma!

Ya know how I mentioned the other day that I was going thru some of our old music tapes? I was really hoping to find two bands that I used to love back when I was much younger, Crass and Naked Aggression.

Naked Aggression is a band that came about in the early 90s from Madison, WI. And because of the very abrasive female vocals (see Tilt as well), they quickly became a favorite band for me. In my top 100 (coming soon), they will easily be in the top 10.

Hearing not only the tape I found with them on it, but the .mp3s I was able to get from their website (in the box), brought back a flood of memories... Take a listen, crank it up, and enjoy some good 'ole fashioned punk rock. Much, much better than the Sex Pistols :)

Nick

I'm a dance dance dance dance dancing machine....

Twice now in the past two days I've had conversations about dancing. In particular, men who dance, and the women who love them. Some women pretend they don't drool all over men who can dance. They're liars. All, and yes dammit, I mean all, women love a man who can rip up a dance floor. And therein lies the problem. 99.9% of men can't dance to save their lives.

I can't dance to save my life. I'm the whitest white boy when it comes to dancing... it's really pretty sad.

Which makes you wonder... if most men can't dance, why do women like men who can dance? Why the unreasonable desires? It would be like if men liked women who were cheerleaders... or strippers, or what not. Most women aren't those things, so who would we be to have such unreasonable desires?

I of course have no idea, like the rest of the planet, exactly why women are the way they are. But I've thought about this for about six minutes now and I think I may have come up with a couple of reasons why women like a man who can dance.

One obvious reason is that, because so few men are willing to step out of their typical manly comfort zone to learn to dance, it's like they're getting something that no one else has. Like a really rare purse, or roses on a random day, etc... Maybe they don't even really like the dude, or could give a rip that he can dance. Just as long as no one else can have him, but they know everyone wants him... that's usually enough.

A likelier reason would be that women are just sick of dancing with other women. And sick of guys just sitting on the sidelines watching, dreaming, waiting for that moment where they just say, "fuck it", and start kissing, and it moves to the side of the dance floor where they start ripping off each others...

...wait... what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, dancing.

I think unfortunately for us men, the likeliest reason that women love men that can dance is because of the movie Wedding Crashers. Don't even tell me you women didn't get all tingly seeing Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn set the dance floor on fire in that movie. Them fuckers...

Ya know, the whole premise of that movie is every guy's worst nightmare. If you can dance, you take home tons of women. For how funny and entertaining that movie was, it was probably the greatest single disservice to men in general. Two great looking men, who can dance, are funny and witty, and single...

As men, we have a fuck of a lot of work to do...

Nick

Never mind the other 99...

Given last week's discussion in the comments about the greatest guitar players, I thought it would be fun to come up with my favorite 100 bands of all time. Not necessarily the best, but my favorite. I'm still working on it, but I was pondering whether to put the Sex Pistols on it or not. I went back and listened to some Sex Pistols and decided that I would indeed put them on there. And then I put some in the box as reference, from the album/movie The Great Rock and Roll Swindle. To hell with Never Mind the Bollocks, this album is a much better pick if you want to listen to some Sex Pistols.

btw - as a side note, did you know that Johnny "Rotten" Lydon asked Flea (formerly of FEAR, and then obviously Red Hot Chili Peppers) to be in his post-Pistols band PIL??? I was blown away to learn that Flea was bassist in FEAR, which we learned watching American Hardcore Sunday night... I was even more blown away to think that Flea could have played with Johnny Rotten and turned it down to play in RHCP.

btww - Johnny Rotten is a douche.

btwww - Sid Vicious was a bigger douche and the worst bass player ever.

btwwww - I converted the files to .mp3, so you can preview them without downloading the file.

Nick

Friday nothingness

Well, I'm in the new blogger in draft. Doesn't seem to special, except you can upload video. That might be nice... we'll see.

Other than that, just uploaded some new music for ya'll in the box. This week's theme is cover songs. I like cover songs because when you hear the real song, you can actually sing along, and then people look at you and say, "how the hell do you know the words to this song?!"

I like to appear more cultural than I really am...

Hope you like them.

Nick

Sicko

Bet you thought this post was going to be about Michael Moore. Sorry, only room for one serious topic a month around here...

But, this is an interesting article. Two 14 year old girls were kicked off a Portland, OR city bus for kissing each other.

The girls, both 14, said the driver called them "sickos" after a female passenger complained about their kiss. The driver then stopped the bus along the street and forced them off.

First of all, how prissy and prude do you have to be to complain about two girls kissing on a city bus? It's one thing to not mind your own business, but to go out of your way to complain about it? I thought this was Oregon? Tolerant Oregon...

But second of all, where the hell were all of these girls kissing each other when I was 14? What the hell has happened in the past 13 (gulp) years? Because girls didn't kiss when I was kid. It just didn't happen. It was gay back then. Sick(o). Not to the boys, but to the girls...

I was lucky when I was 13 to have a girl show us her boobs. That was it! We didn't get to watch her make out with her friends... Incidentally, she's now a stripper, so I'm not sure we were the best of influences for her.

I mean, I realize Bill Clinton made oral sex ok for everyone, but what can we point to that made girls kissing other girls ok? What did I miss? I like to consider myself fairly knowledgeable about sexual culture and what not, but I completely missed the boat on this one.

Some days I feel really old...

Nick

The HSUS? Oh, I love them!

If you follow the national media, and in particular football, you have probably heard about Atlanta Falcon's quarterback Michael Vick. He's in some heat because a house he owns in Virginia was raided in April and what they found suggested the occupants were involved in dog fighting.

Well, there was an interesting article that showed up by the Associated Press today involving our good friend Wayne Pacelle of the Humane Society of the United States. Wayne has apparently been on a letter writing campaign, blasting Nike for not immediately dropping Vick, even before he has been charged with any crime.

We've previously dealt with PeTA, but perhaps we should deal with the HSUS and Wayne Pacelle, since apparently even the national news media has no intention of exposing them for who they really are.

First, let's deal with the organization, Humane Society of the United States (HSUS). It was established in 1954 as the National Humane Society, a spin-off group from the American Humane Association. In 1970, the group had 30,000 members and an annual budget of $500,000. By the end of 2003, they had over $113 million in assets and paid over $14.8 million in annual salaries and benefits.

You would think, with all that money, the HSUS would be funding every shelter and dog rescue in the country. But in 2002, the HSUS gave only $150,000 to actual humane societies and shelters. In fact, on their website it states: The HSUS is neither legally nor contractually affiliated with—nor is a parent organization for—local humane societies, animal shelters, or animal care and control agencies. In short, The HSUS does not operate or have direct control over any animal shelter.

Pretty tricky to have a name like Humane Society of the United States and not be affiliated with any actual humane society, don't you think? Like PeTA, the HSUS realized that if you have a warm and fuzzy name, it helps mask your radical agenda from the uniformed public.

On to it's wonderful leader. In 2004 Wayne Pacelle became HSUS President and CEO. Pacelle is a strict vegan and immediately went to work targeting the treatment of farm animals, promoting a vegan diet and the elimination of all hunting and breeding of domestic animals. In a June 2005 interview, Pacelle said that HSUS is working on "a guide to vegetarian eating" and emphasized "reducing meat consumption" as one of HSUS’s goals. Hmmm. Sounds like PeTA's goals too...

"We have no ethical obligation to preserve the different breeds of livestock produced through selective breeding. . One generation and out. We have no problem with the extinction of domestic animals. They are creations of human selective breeding." Wayne Pacelle, Animal People, May, 1993.

"If we could shut down all sport hunting in a moment, we would." Wayne Pacelle, Associated Press, Dec 30, 1991.

"Our goal is to get sport hunting in the same category as cock fighting and dog fighting." Wayne Pacelle, (Bozeman (MT) Daily Chronicle, October 8, 1991.

He kind of sounds like a nutcase, right? A nutcase who doesn't even really care for animals all that much apparently...

"I don’t have a hands-on fondness for animals... To this day I don’t feel bonded to any non-human animal. I like them and I pet them and I’m kind to them, but there’s no special bond between me and other animals." Wayne Pacelle quoted in Bloodties: Nature, Culture and the Hunt by Ted Kerasote, 1993, p. 251.

Who else is/was involved in the HSUS? Let's take a peak...

In 1986, the Washingtonian asked then-HSUS Vice-President for Laboratory Animals John McArdle about his opinion that brain-dead humans should be substituted for animals in medical research. "It may take people a while to get used to the idea," McArdle said, "but once they do the savings in animal lives will be substantial."

And then...

There's Ariana Huemer, anarchist and HSUS government-affairs employee. An FBI evidence recovery log from the search of Daniel Andreas San Diego’s car describes a check Huemer wrote to him. San Diego, member of a group called Revolutionary Cells, and currently on the FBI’s "Most Wanted" list, is presumed responsible for 10-pound shrapnel bombs detonated in 2003 at two California biomedical research companies. One of these bombs was accompanied by a "secondary" device, timed to detonate after paramedics and firefighters arrived on the scene.

Revolutionary Cells' statement told employees: "You never know when your house, your car even, might go boom. Who knows, that new car in the parking lot may be packed with explosives. Or maybe it will be a shot in the dark ... all customers and their families are considered legitimate targets."

And then...

There's John "J.P." Goodwin. Before joining HSUS, Goodwin was a member of the terrorist organization Animal Liberation Front. In 2000, HSUS sent Goodwin as it's emissary on a tour of Chinese fur farms. By 2001 he was an HSUS employee, and as of at least 2005, was still on the full-time staff. Besides being arrested and convicted of vandalizing fur retailers in several states, he told reporters for the Deseret News (March 11, 1997) in reference to a $1 million ALF arson of a fur farmers' feed co-op in Utah, "We're ecstatic. We have no problem with inanimate objects being destroyed so animate objects can survive. We believe life is more valuable than property".

"It's time for the animal rights movement to take this [fur] industry and drive the final nail into the coffin by whatever means it takes. If that means being outside the executives houses, if that means blockading their doors, whatever it takes." J.P. Goodwin, Humane Society of the US Campaign Director, former executive director of the Coalition to Abolish the Fur Trade, in speech at the World Congress for Animals, June 20, 1996.

"We have found that civil disobedience and direct action has been powerful in generating massive attention in our communities ... and has been very effective in traumatizing our targets." J.P. Goodwin, National Animal Rights Convention '97, June 27, 1997.

"My goal is the abolition of all animal agriculture." J.P. Goodwin, as quoted on AR-Views, an animal rights Internet discussion group in 1996.

Also, lucky for you, HSUS, like PeTA, spreads animal-rights propaganda to school-children as young as five.

One package, titled "People and Animals - A Humane Education Guide", suggests films and books for teachers to present to their students. In these recommended teaching tools, sport hunters are called "selective exterminators" and "drunken slobs" who participate in a "blood sport" and a "war on wildlife" with "maniacal attitudes toward killing."

Just thought I would give you a little taste of the organization and who plays with it, because I doubt most people go looking for this information on their own. Neat huh?

Nick

What the frack?

I... uh.... hmmm...

A baby bed made of cardboard huh?

Well, at least Al Gore would be proud....

What else do you say? You can, uh... paint it? And draw pretty pictures on it?

Fuck... I give up...

Nick

vacation

Gas to drive to Wisconsin Dells - $48.00
Beer, chips and sunscreen - $34.57
Pool - $5.00

Splashing the shit out of everything around you for 20 minutes - priceless



Nick

We'll always have Paris baby...

I don't understand why people can't just get over themselves and leave my poor girlfri.... er, good friend Paris alone. Come on people. Like you've never drove drunk and violated your probation, and then got released from jail early, and then had to go back to jail for an even longer sentence....

Hypocrites....

btw - does anyone really look hotter in a tie than me? Don't answer that...

Nick

Sorry honey!

Well, so much for our vacation in Iran...

Iran's parliament on Wednesday voted in favor of a bill that could lead to death penalty for persons convicted of working in the production of pornographic movies.

With a 148-5 vote in favor and four abstentions, lawmakers present at the Wednesday session of the 290-seat parliament approved that "producers of pornographic works and main elements in their production are considered corruptors of the world and could be sentenced to punishment as corruptors of the world."

The term, "corruptor of the world" is taken from the Quran, the Muslims' holy book, and ranks among the highest on the scale of an individual's criminal offenses. Under Iran's Islamic Penal Code, it carries a death penalty.

Yay! I've always wanted to be a "corruptor of the world"! Just saying it makes me horny...

Corruptor of the world!

Corruptor of the world!

rarrr......

Nick

All about me

When I seen the other day that a few people have been looking at the new link I put up to 100 things about me, I realized it hasn't been updated in some time. Over the past year, some things have changed. So, I present to you, 100 things about me:


1. I married my high school sweetheart
2. I was a virgin until we met (yes, I've only slept with one person)
3. I met her thru her friend, who was my childhood crush
4. And my friend, who was hers
5. We have a boy named Braeden
6. I tried crack when I was 13
7. I started smoking when I was 13
8. I quit 9 years later
9. I sold LSD in my high school biology class
10. And did LSD more than I care to admit
11. I've done cocaine, mushrooms and marijuana as well
12. I've never tried heroine or ecstasy
13. I've been bit by a Rottweiler, twice
14. I used to train protection dogs
15. In 9 years, we've had 10 Rottweilers, some were foster dogs
16. I was on the board of directors for a dog rescue for 6 years
17. In that time I quit 3 times
18. I don't have dogs anymore
19. I used to design machines that made adult diapers
20. Now I design bathing products
21. I was on Tom Cruise's personal jet
22. I flew to Tennessee and back in one day, twice (not on Tom Cruise's jet)
23. I hate flying
24. I'm deathly afraid of heights
25. I'm a poker nut
26. And a trivia nut
27. And a history nut
28. People talking on their cell phones drive me nuts
29. I have an 80+ strong beer bottle collection, all full
30. I only got 3 points off on my driving test
31. But have caused 2 accidents
32. I have an Associates degree in Mechanical Design
33. I'm going to school for a Bachelor's in Industrial Management
34. My dream is to be a professional poker player
35. My birthday is August 7th
36. I'm 27
37. My dad passed away when I was 24
38. I'd give anything to be 23
39. I have 2 sisters, and 1 adopted brother
40. I used to be in a punk band called Wicked Pete
41. We dropped - and the Beer Drinking Goats - from the name
42. I can play guitar, the bass and a little of the drums
43. I can't sing to save my life
44. I wish I knew how to play the piano
45. And the harmonica
46. I used to be a punk
47. I used to hang out with skinheads
48. Then I realized racism sucks
49. I was once asked to join a gang
50. I played hockey for 9 years
51. I was a cub scout for 2 years
52. I'm supposedly Lutheran
53. I don't believe in a God
54. I don't believe in ghosts
55. I'm claustrophobic, but not afraid of the dark
56. I think horror movies are dumb
57. I can't dance
58. My favorite movie is Old School
59. My favorite food is a bacon cheeseburger
60. My favorite beer is Blue Moon, with an orange slice
61. The sight of my own blood makes me sick
62. I have never broken a bone
63. I have lived in Tennessee
64. And Upper Michigan
65. I was born in Wisconsin
66. Because the town we lived in (in Michigan) had no hospital
67. I had 5 wisdom teeth
68. My hair would be grey if I didn't dye it
69. My first job was for $4.60 an hour
70. I've been a pin chaser in a bowling alley
71. And a janitor
72. I watched an F5 tornado, start to finish
73. The philosophies of true communism fascinate me
74. I believe anarcho-socialism would be great
75. I voted for Bush, twice
76. I'm not a Republican
77. I'm pro-abortion
78. I don't have any guns, but I do have a battle axe
79. I've only shot a gun once
80. I can't draw
81. I once protested in front of a pet store
82. I was once a show and tell... with my dog
83. I have Wayne Gretzky's autograph
84. And Hulk Hogan's
85. This blog used to be called i think washing your hands is stupid...
86. This is my second blog
87. I had a third called DILF for a while, but didn't like it
88. I had a fourth called Make Me Pancakes, but didn't like it
89. The hot wife and I have another blog we do together
90. Two uninvited strangers had sex at our wedding
91. Two weeks later, we had sex at someone else's
92. They're divorced now
93. I've been to 15 states besides Wisconsin
94. I've had sex in 6, besides Wisconsin
95. I've smoked pot in 4
96. I've fished for a wild crocodile in Georgia
97. I once got lost on the way to Iowa, and ended up in O'Hare Airport parking lot
98. I got hustled for $20 in New Orleans
99. I was glad when it flooded
100. I can ride a bike backwards

This post is illegal...

Shhh... it's illegal to post these, because they were taken professionally, and aren't technically ours. Sue me...

But, as you may or may not have guessed from a previous post, we're putting our dog to sleep this afternoon. And I've been thinking how much it sucks that Braeden will not be able to grow up with a dog. She was supposed to live for a few years longer. They've already become good buddies. She kisses him and he just laughs...

We're all going to miss her.

Cleo von der Anderung TT, CGC, RTD 6-7-98 ~ 6-8-07

Nick

Love Letters... take one.

Remember how I said the other day that we were going thru some old things, among them old love letters? Well, we thought it would be fun to publish some of them. We're actually publishing them elsewhere, but I thought, why not post them here for you guys to laugh at as well?

This one is dated January 14th, 1997. Our "official" day for becoming bf/gf is January 17th. It's posted in original form with no editing.

Dear Amy Jo

Hey Yo, what's happening? I just finished that grueling Graphix final, actually it wasn't that bad. You'd be amazed at all the things you can learn by just sitting there staring off into space.

But anyways, enough with the jibber jabber (or whatever). I'm writing you today because I wanted to ask you something but I don't want to put you in an akward position by pressuring you into anything, and I'm too shy to say anything. I was just wondering if we'll ever be anything besides friends. I think it would be really cool but I can't figure out how you feel about it. I guess I just want to know if I'm taking this all wrong so if I am just let me know. I'll feel like a dumbass but I'll feel alot better knowing. I really enjoy being friends with you so I hope I'm not fucking everything up by writing this. But lately it seems like we've been getting a little bit closer. Even while I was going out with Jenny it felt like I was closer to you than her. (Don't tell her that because that's really mean, but that's just the way I feel). Actually, that's really mean, alright forget I wrote that. (I don't feel like erasing all that) Anyways I should get cruisin'. You should write back or give me a call, I'll be home after 7:30.

Peace and Love
Nicholaus

p.s. if you hate me for writing this then Fuck You! Just kidding, I had to put a little humor in this!

Nick

New Music

Some new music over in the box. No real theme this time, just what I'm listening to at the moment. Dawn - you *might* like the Ferraby Lionheart song. You're the only person I know who likes N'Orleans... but not sure how you feel about big band. He's touring with Mason Jennings btw.

Let me know if you hear something you want to hear more of.

And give the Kim Barlow stuff a chance. It's twangy, yes, but I love her voice :)

Nick

You can be God too, if you have pets.

There was a point in my life, believe it or not, that I pictured myself never having kids. And I was fine with that. Honestly, I didn't want kids. For one, I was enjoying the freedom we had, the sleeping in, the drinking... And I didn't think I would be any good as a parent. I had never changed a diaper, never held a child in my arms... how the fuck could I possibly be any good at parenting? Some would probably argue that now, even after having done those things, I'm still not any good at parenting... They're probably right, but anywho...

I always knew the hot wife wanted kids. But because of my fear, my selfishness, whatever, I would make excuses to wait. I would always say that we could start trying when the dogs were gone, because it would be easier to not have to worry about them with a kid crawling and running around the house. At the time, I thought they would live to be 12. Or 13. And that would give me a few years to get past the fear, the selfishness, the sleeping in, the drinking.

Actually, if we would have stuck to that excuse, we would start trying Friday night.

Back in August or September '05, I forget exactly when, I woke up one morning with the worst hangover I had probably ever had. We had been trying to start our dream business and kept getting our hopes stomped on every turn we took. So instead of facing reality and moving on, we drank. Night after night. Everything was going in the wrong direction, so when I woke up with this hangover, I decided I needed to make a change. So I stumbled downstairs, holding my head...

"I'm sick of this shit... let's have a kid."

And we did... as you're probably aware. Sometimes my impulsiveness actually does win over my procrastination... And for that, I'm so glad. Because I know, if we didn't have a wonderful child to care for, both our dogs were playing happily in doggie heaven, and I didn't have to worry about anything other than myself... I would probably drink myself into a fucking coma this weekend...

Nick

What the fuck was I thinking?

The hot wife and I took a trip down memory lane the other night. We pulled out two boxes of stuff from the past. She went thru all of our old love letters to each other from high school, and I rummaged thru old cassette tapes. Some of it, music I haven't heard probably since CD players came out. We even have some taped practice sessions from our old punk band Wicked Pete. Of course, the music and sound quality is so awful that it's hard to listen to... but I was amazed I still had some of this stuff. And I was having a grand time going thru it, until I pulled out one tape. It was labeled - Skinhead Mix.

When I was kid, maybe 13 or 14 years old, there weren't any skinheads in our city. We were all just punks. Of course, we didn't have many minorities either. Not until the later years of high school did the skinheads start showing up. And there were never any Klan rallies or anything, but they were there. And some of the kids I hung out with became associated with them. Naturally, being the young, dumb, easily-moldable mind I was, I became associated with some of them. I was never a skinhead myself. I never had a problem with minorities, or Jewish people, or the government, or whatever else skinheads claim to be against. Though I listened to and read their nonsense propaganda, and I listened to the music, the message never really caught on with me.

I did a lot of really stupid things when I was a kid. Just the drug use alone... sometimes I wonder how I've gotten to be where I am. When I think of how different things would be if that cop who busted us smoking weed in our car had been a dick and actually arrested us. Or if my sophmore Biology teacher would have caught me selling acid to the kid sitting next to me. Sometimes I wonder - what the fuck was I thinking?

But I don't have any regrets about that stuff. I don't regret getting drunk for the first time when I was 12, or smoking weed for the first time when I was 13, or all the acid and mushrooms we did.

I do regret being so stupid and close-minded that I would hang out with skinheads. That I would listen to the music and not realize what it was really saying. To not have the guts or the sense of mind to just walk away from all that crap... it bothers me now. It bothered me as I looked at that tape.

I wonder if I ran into myself at 16, if I would recognize myself. And I wonder how soon after trying to talk sense into the 16 year old me, that I would just give up and kick my own ass...

I give myself about 3 minutes.

Nick

Is it Memorial Day yet?

I know it's a bit late, but I was going thru some pics from our first parade as a family :) Awww... ain't we cute? Well, the hot wife and Braeden are cute at least, right?



Nick