Are you high?

Maybe you've seen these before, but they make me feel all silly.

 

 

nick

You have to pay the troll toll, if you want to get drunk in Minnesota

 

Listen Minnesota, you whore...  THIS is NOT $27 worth of alcohol, I don't care how fancy you're fucking place is.

If anyone ever tells you they got drunk in Minnesota, they either have too much money or they're fucking liars.  And to think, I once said I loved Minnesota.  But I just can't tolerate over-priced alcohol, especially when I'm on vacation, I don't have to drive anywhere, and I don't have to worry about being responsible for a 3 year old child.

I think though, every time we travel I learn something...  When we went to Florida the first time, I learned that the sun is really fucking hot and it will indeed melt your skin off, after of course it turns it really red.  When we went to Iowa, I learned that O'Hare airport is not between Wisconsin and Iowa.  When we went to Texas I learned that Texas is a very long drive from Wisconsin.  When we went to New Orleans, I learned that you shouldn't go to New Orleans.  When we went to Georgia and Florida the second time, I learned that.... well, I didn't really learn much on that part of the trip.

But, I did learn this past weekend in Minnesota that JagerBombs are $37 a piece, even the cheapest and shittiest beer on the planet, Coors Light, is $4.75, and thus, getting drunk in a bar is a very.  bad.   idea.  If, of course, you like money and what not...

nick

You don't like zebras?

Clearly I have way too much to talk about, what, with the Tiger episode today, our trip to Minnesota this weekend, etc, etc, etc.  But I cannot resist this.  Let me break it down for you...

A school in Pennsylvania gives thousands of it's students free laptops.  With webcams.  That can be remotely activated so that the school can see what is in front of the laptop.  Wait...  What?

WHAT?

I know... schools... giving students laptops.  If you're like me, your school didn't give you shit when you were a kid.  Because, you know, they had budgets and what not... consisting of real money.   And, well, we didn't have laptops.  With webcams.  There was basically no web for their to be a cam for until I was probably 13 anyways, and even then, if you were there back then... you know the web just sucked.

But imagine being a teacher today, and you're sitting in your teacher lounge with other teachers, probably sniffing dry erase markers (do they even still have chalk boards?), and someone comes up with this idea...

"I know.."  (sniff, sniff)  "What if we gave everyone some tricked out laptop... with webcams... that we can activate remotely.... you know, just in case anyone steals it..."

"Wow Professor Shit For Fucking Brains, what a great idea!"

(sniff, sniff)  "Yeah!"

"Yeah..."

Yeah....

No teacher put their marker down, used their god given brain and said, "Wait, my head is doing something... it's telling me that might be such a great idea afterall.  Yup, it's saying that's a bad idea.  A bad, stupid idea..."

A laptop.  With a webcam.  That can be remotely activated.

Let's forget for a second that, you know, people go to pound me in the ass prison for spying on people without their knowledge and consent, nevermind they be CHILDREN...  Can you begin to comprehend what goes on in a teenagers bedroom?  With a laptop?  And a webcam?  I know what went on in my bedroom when I was a teenager, and I didn't have a laptop.  Or a webcam.  Or the web.

I'm guessing if someone had remote access to my bedroom when I was a teenager, I wouldn't just have been called into Vice Principal Shit For Brains office for "inappropriate behavior".  I probably would have been sent to away.  Far away.

What, like you never played with zebras when you were a teenager???

 

Good zebra...

nick

I'm normally asleep at these hours...

Did I ever tell you about the time we turned 30?  Well of course I didn't because that was when I was horribly neglecting this here blog.  But luckily we took a gazillion pictures of our awesome 20s style party, and since I'm not much for original thought tonight, I'll just post some.

 

We just know how to party, no matter what the year is...

nick

The power of positive thinking...

I want to redo a post from way back when because I seen another post on another blog that made me think of it.  But first I have to rework this hand in poker first because it sucks.  I hate it and I want to punch it in the face.

Last night I'm getting dwindled down in chips and every time I get a decent hand the guy to my right bets into me.  In this hand I pick up AJ and again he bets into me.  I call.  The flop is this:

 

Score.  So I think.  At this point I'm down to about half our starting stack so I push all-in with my flopped straight.  He calls and flips over his straight flush draw.  I could just see what was about to happen.  I knew at that point I just.  could.  not.  win.  And then the turn:

 

A useless 4c.  But despite being a clear favorite I still knew I wasn't going to win.  I'm sure I do win hands in this situation from time to time, but since you remember the losing hands more, so do I.

And.  then.  the.  fucking.  river....

 

Really?  I mean, seriously.  Really?

Eh... anyways, on with the post from yesteryear...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Going t'California with an aching... in my heart...

Lulu* has a wonderful post describing 10 ways she would spend a winter in Wisconsin. Well, I've spent way too many of them here, so thought it would be fun to spend one in California... Let's begin.

1. It's beginning to look a lot like... a beach party!

2. Christmas shopping on Rodeo Drive. That's hot.

3. Suddenly, running around the block naked on New Year's Eve doesn't seem all that impressive... but I'd do it anyways.

4. Sex in front of a fire, but on the beach, instead of the living room. I guess just sex on the beach.

5. Mow the lawn in December. Literally and figuratively.

6. ring, ring... "Yeah, Nick (Lachey)? Yeah dude, I'm in California for the whole winter dude! Yeah, I know, rocks! What, you wanna go pick up some chicks in H-Wood? Cool dude, come pick me up!"

7. I hear they have, like, $20 martinis in California. I'm so gettin' wasted on those. And the walk home will be sooooo much nicer...

8. Californication. I'm not sure what that means, but if I ever get to California, I'm a be all about the Californication...

9. Luncheons with Arnold.

10. "Oh man, these riots are so much better in real life! Yeah, it dawned on me that I need new home furnishings too!"

mmmm, California, where all your dreams come true... and you don't have to shovel F$%&ING snow...

*or the artist formerly known as Lulu

nick

I'm too busy for you...

Sometimes we'll ask hot child who thinks he's a teenager if he wants to do something, and he'll reply, "No thank you.  I too busy."  Which reminds me how too busy I have been to blog lately.  Which isn't true, but makes me feel better.  I've actually quite a few things to write about, I just haven't.  I want, I could, I'd like to, I just don't.

But, I promise I'll change.  Starting now.  So here's what's going down...

I'm starting school.  Again.  Really, school again?  I swear I quit and start school as much as I quit and start this blog.  Is it coincidence that they seem to happen at the same times?  Probably, but it is kind of easy to write about school.  And as you can see... I am out of things to write about.  Well... it has been like 6 years... how many thoughts can one person have?

I joined LinkedIn, and Windows Live.  I don't really know why this is important.  From what I can gather, both are just like Facebook for people who a. have way too much time to be on their computer and b. want to look professional?  I don't even have a professional looking picture for my profiles on either site, so I guess I won't be recruited my some Wall Street trading firm.  Which sucks, because I'd love to work there.  Maybe I could soften the freefall my 401k has been on the last couple of weeks.  Or at least I would have a good reason to drink myself silly, because just saying my 401k tanked today doesn't seem sufficient in the grand scheme of things.

We're going back to Minnesota!  Yeah, next weekend, for a wedding reception.  Love it.  Beer, food, MINNESOTA.  See, unlike the southern hell that is Louisiana, we love Minnesota.  And most of the people in it.

Where you want to get snowed in when you get
Snowed in, outside its 10 below
Is it day or night, we don't care or know

Actually the last time we went to Minnesota, we didn't see NoFX unfortunately.  We did however see Mason Jennings.  Then I found out he lived in and sung songs about New Orleans.



Now he's dead to me. 

And now I just don't feel like writing anymore...

nick
 

There are no Saints in New Orleans...

Of course.  Why wouldn't the Saints win the Superbowl?   I didn't really care one way or another in terms of actual football, but my pure and true hatred for New Orleans is so well documented, I'm not sure what else I can say about it.  For past references, see here, here, here, here, here and finally here.

Hate.  New.  Orleans. 

Hate.

nick

Snowmaged....FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!!

I heart me a good snowball fight!

 

  

  

  

nick

I've already cloned myself...

As we have been talking more and more about getting another dog, we have been kicking ourselves more and more for not just cloning the dog we had years ago.  The.  Best.  Dog.  Ever.

 

  

  

Aside from my Dad, it's hard to imagine missing anything more than I miss that dog...

Nick

Somewhere between puberty and Burt Reynolds...

I swear every couple of months I get into a conversation over how much (or if) men should shave their... well... junk.  Don't ask me why it's such an issue.  But it is, and I was going over it with a few peeps today.  One had heard from someone who heard from someone that only "civilized men" shaved.  Or "un-civilized men" didn't.  Horse a piece.  When another asked him what camp he fell into, he proudly proclaimed "UN-CIVILIZED".

After I came back from the bathroom to wash the puke out of my mouth I took to the white board for some education and constructed the following graph...

 

*S represents amount of shaving

** a(a) represents level of acceptableness and/or age

nick

If that's your poker face, then I hope I'm never at your table...

 

Holy Jesus...

nick