I gots culture...

Whenever people ask me what music I listen to, I tell them: everything.  And I mean it.  Like some Kirsten Jones.  The hot wife loves this song, so for her... (btw, the interview ends, and the song starts around the 3:00 minute mark)



Nick

I'm normally asleep at these hours...

Did I ever tell you about the time we turned 30?  Well of course I didn't because that was when I was horribly neglecting this here blog.  But luckily we took a gazillion pictures of our awesome 20s style party, and since I'm not much for original thought tonight, I'll just post some.

 

We just know how to party, no matter what the year is...

nick

There are no Saints in New Orleans...

Of course.  Why wouldn't the Saints win the Superbowl?   I didn't really care one way or another in terms of actual football, but my pure and true hatred for New Orleans is so well documented, I'm not sure what else I can say about it.  For past references, see here, here, here, here, here and finally here.

Hate.  New.  Orleans. 

Hate.

nick

I can fail and win all at the same time!

So, obviously I failed in my quest to post every day.  Oh well, I'll still love you NaBloPoMo and I will try to honor you as well.  But I did fail for good reason.  Hot Wife and I spent last night finishing up our taxes and plotting our climb over Mountin' Debt. 

Several years ago we sat on the back patio with a cold one and faced the truth.  We had spent all of our money, and a lot of other peoples' as well (namely people whose last name was Card... Visa, Master, Discover, etc...)  But, luckily we came to our damn senses before we had to say things like, "Hm.  Guess the house payment will have to wait."

And for the first time in a long time, we can see the greener pastures...

nick

Boo!

The other night we watched Paranormal Activity, which is like the highest grossing film ever.  Cheap to make doesn’t always mean horrible because it’s hard for me to imagine anyone not getting freaked out watching this movie.  Even though I don’t really believe in ghosts or spirits or demons it just has a way of making you question all those loud noises you’ve heard in your house over the years…   In a weird way, it kind of made me want to be a day trader as well.

I think the movie was good because for the most part it was believable.  It wasn’t like Freddy coming out of your dream and sucking you into your bed.

We tried to follow up the horror and creepiness of Paranormal Activity by renting A Haunting in Connecticut or some crap like that.  I don’t know if we got the crappy documentary version or what, but it was terrible.  Movies, especially horror movies, shouldn’t have narrators and this one did.  It was obnoxious and we had to turn it off after about 10 minutes.  The only thing worse would have been subtitles.

I always wonder in horror films why people don’t get the hell out of the house they’re in.  I can handle a door swaying a little bit, but once I’m convinced someone, or something, is trying to kill me, I’m in my car and I’m driving until it runs out of gas.  And then I’m going to get out and run until I pass out… probably another 10 or 15 feet.  At least.  But don’t stay in the damn house, and definitely don’t go back to bed!  Being still when you’re in a horror film is a bad idea.  Being still in the dark (otherwise commonly known as sleeping) in a horror film is just stupid.

In other non-horror news, yesterday hot wife and I celebrated 13 years together.  It’s weird to still celebrate something like that, but it was an excuse to drink other than “hey, I feel like drinking”.  It’s important to have one of those every once in a while.

Drink up.

Nick

Is it 2010 yet?

Heh. Did you know I've only posted here, like, some 50 times since the end of 2007? Well that ain't right, and it's my New Years resolution to revive this here website. It's time to put Facebook down, and the life of one sentence whitty-ness, and expound upon actual ideas. That sounded weird.

We've missed too much since I've been gone.  Like, we turned 30.  Damn, I even had to update my profile to say such which was not cool.  But we did have a bad ass '20s style party...

I still have a kid...

And a hot wife... who likes mooses...

We fostered a non-Rottweiler

And even had time for long walks on the... uh... lakefront...

 

 

2010 is going to be a great year!

nick

When life gives you lemons...

When I was in the same position a few years back, hot wife was there for me. You may remember this... So, hot wife, this is for you!



And the next time life gives you lemons, smash someone in the face with them...

Nick

T'was the year 19hairybush...

Hot wife: "So guess what? We were checking out a house today* and Jane** found a big box of porn. She took it home for her boyfriend."

Me: "I bet he was pretty happy about that."

Hot wife: "Yeah, but it was pretty old porn... probably from the year 19... hairy bush..."

Me: "19hairybush?"

Hot wife: "Yeah.. 19hairybush."

Me: "That was not a good year for porn..."

Hot wife: "Definitely not."

*Hot wife is in real estate.

**Name changed to protect the innocent... porn thief...

Nick

Awesome fall haircut #1

Pumpkins: $2 each

Paint and paint brushes: $6

Letting mom cut your hair: not a good idea

Nick

Gustav(e) is a family name

As we sat in the bar this past Saturday, celebrating the fact that God has once again attempted to clear the cesspool of a city we’ve come to known as New Orleans*, I thought back to the hard time we spent in that God-forsaken hell hole (documented here, here and here. Oh, and here too. Wait, here too.) And I thought about all the horrible people that call it home. And how, similar to someone in an ongoing abusive relationship, they just won’t leave it. They just won’t admit that the city, along with the majority of those in it, has failed. Because chances are, if you live there and/or call it home... you’ve probably failed at life.

The only problem is, we don’t make failing at life a real positive experience. It’s pretty shitty actually. You can’t pay your bills, you don’t have enough to eat, and you live in an oven that is super humid, smells like piss and fills up with sewagey water every three years. You can see why people try so hard to avoid failing at life, and even when they do, try desperately to free themselves from it.

And why do they try to free themselves from failure? Well, because on the flip side of failing, we’ve made succeeding at life look pretty damn good. And guess what, it’s not that hard to do. After all, success is only a dollar and five lucky numbers away, right? Maybe it’s only a hot cup of coffee away. Maybe it’s a misprint on your bank statement that puts a few extra zeros on your account balance.

You don’t ever have to worry about not paying your house payment on time.

Or having enough to eat.

Or drowning. In your attic.


Realistically... once you've failed, it's done. Over. Time to stand up, dust yourself off and head for the exit.





Like this dude:

Have a few (stolen) beers, kick back, let the water rise... and go to your happy place.**

Nick

*Actually, it was hot wife’s birthday

** You're damn right I'm cynical, New Orleans still owes me $20.

Wanted: sweet ass dishwasher...

Last night, hot wife and I mingled in fashion as A-listers at a Coors Light cocktail party, where I was able to catch a few minutes of the baseball game, and half my head was used in a commercial that cost more than we make in several months. I think we rocked the part, especially given that we don’t really have any friends that have Coors Light cocktail parties, watch the baseball game or shoot super expensive and elaborate commercials. We were hanging with people way out of our league. People who own businesses, sell expensive properties, and live in houses on the lake with nice flooring. People with dishwashers.

I think that with some exposure to more opportunities, hot wife and I would make excellent A-listers, despite being deficient in most categories normally associated with A-listers. We don’t have a dishwasher. The problem with breaking onto the A-list scene when you don’t have fancy things like a dishwasher is that the world is full of non-A-listers. We’re essentially B-listers in a sea of B-listers. So we’ll have to rely on other things besides good jobs and dishwashers.

If I had to list our unconvential A-list qualities, they would be... in no particular order:

1. We’re hot as hell. Well, at least hot wife is hot as hell, and that’s usually all that matters.
2. We’ve been known to get naked in public, but only when appropriate.
3. Who else can drink a dozen Jagerbombs and still stand up straight?
4. Looking to buy a shitty foreclosed house, or, eh, a shower door? Yeah, we can help with that...
5. We’re animal friendly.

It’s pretty obvious that we’re A-list quality. Anyone have a dishwasher for sale?

Nick

Now who is the Romeo?

After I wrote the last post I actually went to the website mentioned, which I didn't even do prior to the writing the post. I was pretty amazed at what I saw.

Since hot wife is the girl of my dreams, I thought I would put myself in the shoes of the Subway Romeo. And here is what I came up with, as if I had just saw hot wife for the first time, and had to resort to sketching us to track her down.

Come get some hot wife... come get some...

Nick

This post contains everything you didn't want to know about me...

I've always really wanted to come out of the closet. You know how some people make this big deal about coming out of the closet and announcing they're gay... or that they're 38 and still playing video games... or they're becoming a woman...

Our old dentist actually sent us a two page letter in the mail at one time explaining that he, was now becoming a she. It was one of most awkward pieces of writing I've ever had the displeasure of reading.

Back to the closet, and me coming out of it. Now, once upon a time, I sort of came out of a small closet and announced that I was bisexual. But, I think anyone who has been reading this blog for any amount of time already knew of my rather deviant activities, especially relating to sex, so it probably wasn't a real big shocker. And it's no fun to come out of the closet if the door was already half open...

I actually have two confessions to make in this post, or "coming outs", if you will. I expect that when I divulge my first "coming out", a lot of people will lose what little respect they had for me. Upon my second "coming out", I suspect I will have to close this blog for lack of readers... But, no one comes out of the closet with the expectation that life will ever be how it once was. That's the risk you take. So, here I go...

Oh god, how do I say this... Oh, come on, just say it. Ok... I like techno. There! I said it! I like to listen to techno!!! I have a lot of goofy interests when it comes to music, and one of them is techno. It really started back in my drug-doing days. The first time I did acid, a bunch of us spent the night at a friend's house, and one of my friends was the hippy/goofy/techno type. He blasted this music thru the house all night that really drove several of us to edge of insanity. But it was fun. The music was trippy.

I've never been a raver type though. You know, the kids who take a bunch of weird drugs like ecstasy and suck on those ring sucker things... yeah, not me. I did go to an outdoor rave once though. It was in a city park, in the middle of the day. A bunch of djs just set up in a park shelter, with their turntables and enough damn electronics to power a KISS concert. And then imagine 50 or 60 kids running around the park with so much pot and acid that people were just giving it away, and throwing it on the ground. And we grew up in a very capitalistic drug scene. Nothing was free, and no way were drugs ever wasted. But, it was a weird, weird, very weird day...

So yeah, me and techno... whodathunkit? By the way, the hot wife absolutely hates techno, so you're not alone in your disgust and disdain.

And now, if you've thrown up already reading this post, I would suggest just closing your browser. What I'm about to tell you is not for the faint of heart. Ugh... this hurts... Ok, while I'm not exactly a fan of the group, I like a couple of extended dance mix versions from a group called Tatu...

Most sane people are scratching their heads... "who the fuck is Tatu?" Well, you may or may not remember, a couple of years ago they came on to the MTV scene with a song called "All the things she said". And then there was this big controversy about their manager, who just put two Russian girls together and paraded them out as lesbian schoolgirls who run around in their underwear and make out in the pouring rain. Apparently there's a market for that kind of stuff? Who knows...

I realize that extended dance mix version is just a nice way of saying shitty techno, but something about girls singing in Russian to shitty techno does it for me. Hey, it's not my fault they were poor Russian girls taken advantage of by some weirdo, pervert manager and exploited by an American culture obsessed with sex (me)... Actually, I'm really just obsessed with female singers.

Well, if I'm going to hell, you might as well come with. So, some Tatu over in the box.

Love ya
Nick

Take me out to the ballgame...

We took a little trip yesterday, to invade enemy territory and show them how baseball is really played. And of course, the Brewers spanked the Cubbies 13-4.

We even got to see Scottie Pippen when we were driving down Addison St. on our way to Wrigley. He was in his black Escalade right next to us! I wasn't convinced it was even him, until we get to the park, and sure enough, who's throwing out the first pitch? Scottie Pippen. Nice...

It was a good day, and one of my lifelong dreams was fulfilled.



btw - I'll get to interviews probably tomorrow.

Nick

Fuck you Friday, and, Interview time, again...

The interviews strike again. This time it's the little things... flings some questions over. And I answer.


1. I know you have a young child. If I told you the only way he would have a happy life is if you were to walk out right now and never see him again, would you do it?

Consider me gone. The happiness of my child is infinitely more important than mine. I know that even if I wasn't around, he would have a wonderful family structure around him and he would be raised properly. He's a smart boy, I know he would do fine.

2. If the Hot Wife were to leave you tomorrow, what would be your plan to carry out the rest of your life?

I guess the first thing I would do is start looking for an apartment... And then I would hit the bars looking for cute little blonde college girls to take home and (beep) in the (beep). Eat your heart out hot wife.... Hey, you left me, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore!

Honestly, I would probably spend several weeks shocked and depressed. Aside from being my wife, mother to my child and contributor to the household, the hot wife is really my best friend. We essentially do most everything together, and she's the only person in the world that I know I can trust and can tell anything to. That would be a huge hole in my life that I know I would really struggle to fill.

I don't know that I would have a plan. I've never been one to plan. I guess I would just try to take it one day at a time and... fuck, I don't know. I'd be bored, that's for sure.

3. If you could walk away from your current life for one month and go anywhere and do anything and no one would ever find out what it is....what would that be?

Man, would I just love some fucking sleep! I would spend half the time just catching up on sleep. And then I would spend the other half in Vegas at the World Series of Poker, playing every single tournament.

4. If our laws were to suddenly become those of Iran and you were in danger of being labeled a "Corruptor of the World", would you change anything about your lifestyle? If so, what?

I'd probably just move to Canada :) I would not thrive in such a conservative and oppressive society, even if I did make immediate lifestyle changes (stop having sex with the shades open) to avoid being executed. Sooner or later the mullahs would find something to lock me up for (amateur porn websites).

5. If you could bring one person back to life, who would it be?

I would bring the hot wife's father back to life. I would love nothing more to bring my own father back to life, but unlike her, I was fortunate enough to be able to have a father in my life into adulthood. Her father passed away when she was very young and I think it would make a lot of dreams come true for her, and her whole family, to be able to spend time with him. I could also use some boxing lessons :)

And then, even though I've interviewed several of you, rules are rules:

Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Nick

Love Letters... take one.

Remember how I said the other day that we were going thru some old things, among them old love letters? Well, we thought it would be fun to publish some of them. We're actually publishing them elsewhere, but I thought, why not post them here for you guys to laugh at as well?

This one is dated January 14th, 1997. Our "official" day for becoming bf/gf is January 17th. It's posted in original form with no editing.

Dear Amy Jo

Hey Yo, what's happening? I just finished that grueling Graphix final, actually it wasn't that bad. You'd be amazed at all the things you can learn by just sitting there staring off into space.

But anyways, enough with the jibber jabber (or whatever). I'm writing you today because I wanted to ask you something but I don't want to put you in an akward position by pressuring you into anything, and I'm too shy to say anything. I was just wondering if we'll ever be anything besides friends. I think it would be really cool but I can't figure out how you feel about it. I guess I just want to know if I'm taking this all wrong so if I am just let me know. I'll feel like a dumbass but I'll feel alot better knowing. I really enjoy being friends with you so I hope I'm not fucking everything up by writing this. But lately it seems like we've been getting a little bit closer. Even while I was going out with Jenny it felt like I was closer to you than her. (Don't tell her that because that's really mean, but that's just the way I feel). Actually, that's really mean, alright forget I wrote that. (I don't feel like erasing all that) Anyways I should get cruisin'. You should write back or give me a call, I'll be home after 7:30.

Peace and Love
Nicholaus

p.s. if you hate me for writing this then Fuck You! Just kidding, I had to put a little humor in this!

Nick

You can be God too, if you have pets.

There was a point in my life, believe it or not, that I pictured myself never having kids. And I was fine with that. Honestly, I didn't want kids. For one, I was enjoying the freedom we had, the sleeping in, the drinking... And I didn't think I would be any good as a parent. I had never changed a diaper, never held a child in my arms... how the fuck could I possibly be any good at parenting? Some would probably argue that now, even after having done those things, I'm still not any good at parenting... They're probably right, but anywho...

I always knew the hot wife wanted kids. But because of my fear, my selfishness, whatever, I would make excuses to wait. I would always say that we could start trying when the dogs were gone, because it would be easier to not have to worry about them with a kid crawling and running around the house. At the time, I thought they would live to be 12. Or 13. And that would give me a few years to get past the fear, the selfishness, the sleeping in, the drinking.

Actually, if we would have stuck to that excuse, we would start trying Friday night.

Back in August or September '05, I forget exactly when, I woke up one morning with the worst hangover I had probably ever had. We had been trying to start our dream business and kept getting our hopes stomped on every turn we took. So instead of facing reality and moving on, we drank. Night after night. Everything was going in the wrong direction, so when I woke up with this hangover, I decided I needed to make a change. So I stumbled downstairs, holding my head...

"I'm sick of this shit... let's have a kid."

And we did... as you're probably aware. Sometimes my impulsiveness actually does win over my procrastination... And for that, I'm so glad. Because I know, if we didn't have a wonderful child to care for, both our dogs were playing happily in doggie heaven, and I didn't have to worry about anything other than myself... I would probably drink myself into a fucking coma this weekend...

Nick

Is it Memorial Day yet?

I know it's a bit late, but I was going thru some pics from our first parade as a family :) Awww... ain't we cute? Well, the hot wife and Braeden are cute at least, right?



Nick

I remember... Monday...

* I'm not sure you all can appreciate how scary it is to go to the bathroom and see something red hanging from your junk. I wonder how much of your life is taken away from you every time your heart skips a beat... No worries though. It was just a piece of string that must have latched on from my man panties. God I hate when underwear are called man panties...

* No poker tournaments this weekend, but I did manage to get released to play H.O.R.S.E. Saturday night. Left up about $40 again. Big money!

* Along the lines of ya'll not appreciating things... I don't think ya'll appreciate just how awesome the hot wife is. We're sitting at home Friday night, and her boss calls. I wish she still blogged so she could tell this story. But she doesn't, so the task falls to me. Anyways, her boss calls. Now, keep in mind that she just started this new job like a month ago. Well, her boss tells her that she is doing such a great job, that he wants to talk to her this week about a raise! And he wanted to tell her Friday night so she could have a better weekend!

* I realized Friday night that I'm one step closer to retiring and becoming a stay at home dad. Yay. Me.

* I'm not so sure I like my horoscope today:

The stakes are getting higher in your life, which is not only exciting but also a good sign that you're getting closer to the success you want. However, you have a little bit more to lose right now. Therefore, you should keep an eye out for people who might not have your best interests at heart. Someone could be devising a scheme to put you at a disadvantage. Someone might be saying things about you that aren't true. Sunshine is a great disinfectant, so get any suspicions out into the open.

* And now, a question. I've been following a discussion on another site. Our local newspaper reported on a sexual assault of a child. Gee, haven't heard of that one lately huh? Anyways, they withheld the name of the "accused" to prevent the victim from being identified. Quite the dilemma. Obviously there are two sides of the issue, and I'm just not sure what side I'm on. Not taking into account that false accusations do occur, but assuming the accused is guilty of the crime. Is it more important to report the facts of the crime, or to protect the identity of the poor kid. I think as a citizen I would say it's more important to protect society from this creep, and if we don't know who it is, how can we be protected from them? But then I put myself in the shoes of the parents of this kid. Would I want my child's identity revealed in that situation? I can't say that I would be too happy if it was. What side are you on?

* I don't know how parents of kids who are victims of sex crimes hold it together. I know for a fact I would lose it and I wouldn't rest until that person was dead. Not in jail... but dead. I don't get how as a society we can not only be against the death penalty for these creeps, but we're so soft on them. You molest or rape a child and you sit three or five years in jail and then you're out? That's seriously fucked up.

* Eh, we should end on a lighter note, shouldn't we. Hey, it's Tuesday already! That doesn't really help, does it? Me neither. Oh well.

Nick

HiiiiiiiiYA!

The hot wife had some work to do at home last night. So after putting the boy to bed, I finally took Chuck Norris up on his request to duel.

We stepped into my dojo in the basement. Only, immediately upon seeing my vast array of martial art skills... Chuck knelt. And surrendered unconditionally. Then he got me a beer.



This morning Chuck sent the following email:

From: "C Norris" <>
To: junyer_mint@yahoo.com
Bcc:
Subject: Last Night
Date: Wed, 23 May 2007 10:58:44

Chuck asks for forgiveness and mercy.

Always your student,
Chuck
***

What a little sissy boy.

Nick