T'was the year 19hairybush...

Hot wife: "So guess what? We were checking out a house today* and Jane** found a big box of porn. She took it home for her boyfriend."

Me: "I bet he was pretty happy about that."

Hot wife: "Yeah, but it was pretty old porn... probably from the year 19... hairy bush..."

Me: "19hairybush?"

Hot wife: "Yeah.. 19hairybush."

Me: "That was not a good year for porn..."

Hot wife: "Definitely not."

*Hot wife is in real estate.

**Name changed to protect the innocent... porn thief...

Nick

Spongebob Squarepants leads to child abuse...

As you probably know, I love Spongebob Squarepants. Who cares about hot child, he watches it because it's all I will allow on the tv. Anyways, to make a long story short, being the music fan I am, I was looking for Spongebob songs on youtube. In particular I was looking for the song Gary Come Home. It's a classic. Observe:



But, soon after I found that, I discovered something so heinous. So. Fucking. Wrong.



Now, don't get me wrong. I would never pick on a kid. His parents on the other hand deserve some serious jail time. For one, if there was some backround music at least, maybe your kid's voice wouldn't sound like a bad car accident. And actually the foot stomping and finger waving don't help. But besides that, who the fuck dressed this kid? Uh... you're going to be on YOUTUBE! Singing! And not very well I might add. The least you could do is, oh I don't know... wear matching clothes?!

Poor, poor kid. Don't worry bud, it's not your fault your parents are assholes.

Sad. So so sad.

Nick

Awesome fall haircut #1

Pumpkins: $2 each

Paint and paint brushes: $6

Letting mom cut your hair: not a good idea

Nick

Ig Nobel is German for stupid...

I haven't written much lately, I know. Mainly because when I usually write, on my lunch hour at work, I have been researching our family tree. It sounds dumb, but as you may or may not know I'm a history fanatic, and really, what better history than your own? Anyways... I thought since I have a second, I'd pop in. And funny you (actually I) should mention pop (or as us Wisconsinites call it - soda).

I read an article today about something called the Ig Nobels. What is that you ask? It's essentially a stupid prize. You create something stupid, research something stupid... you get an award. Because in this country, for some reason, we insist on recognizing, and in some cases rewarding stupidity.

Well kids, one of the latest winners deserves a big fuckin' prize for stupidity. For researching Coke (the soft drink, you druggies) for it's spermicidal qualities. And discovering that it... are you sitting down? BLOWS UP SPERM!

Yeah, that's right. Some dumbass heard that people were using Coke to apparently not get pregnant, tested it, and BLEW UP SPERM! Sperm. Blew it up. With Coke.

"It definitely wouldn't work as a contraceptive because sperm swims so fast," Deborah Anderson said. But Coke made with sugar quickly kills sperm, she said, probably because sperm soak it up. "The sperm just kind of explode," she said in a telephone interview.

Is that supposed to be funny or something? The sperm just kind of explode?

Here's an idea for some research... let's take the building block of life, mix it some with Coke and BLOW IT THE FUCK UP! Better yet, let's take Deborah Anderson, mix her with some Coke, and blow her the fuck up.

Leave. The. Sperm. Alone.

And damn you Coke. Damn you.

Nick