Then I read some Howard Zinn and now I'm always depressed...

Howard Zinn passed away today.  I've never been a huge fan, but any good intellectual (like me) has probably read him from time to time.

I especially like his and Noam Chomsky's analysis of The Lord of the Rings...

Especially the theory that pipe-weed is... well, responsible for whatever is going on with the Hobbits...

Zinn: You view the conflict as being primarily about pipe-weed, do you not? 

Chomsky: Well, what we see here, in Hobbiton, farmers tilling crops. The thing to remember is that the crop they are tilling is, in fact, pipe-weed, an addictive drug transported and sold throughout Middle Earth for great profit. 

Zinn: This is absolutely established in the books. Pipe-weed is something all the Hobbits abuse. Gandalf is smoking it constantly. You are correct when you point out that Middle Earth depends on pipe-weed in some crucial sense, but I think you may be overstating its importance. Clearly the war is not based only on the Shire's pipe-weed. Rohan and Gondor's unceasing hunger for war is a larger culprit, I would say. 

Chomsky: But without the pipe-weed, Middle Earth would fall apart. Saruman is trying to break up Gandalf's pipe-weed ring. He's trying to divert it. 

Zinn: Well, you know, it would be manifestly difficult to believe in magic rings unless everyone was high on pipe-weed. So it is in Gandalf's interest to keep Middle Earth hooked. 

Chomsky: How do you think these wizards build gigantic towers and mighty fortresses? Where do they get the money? Keep in mind that I do not especially regard anyone, Saruman included, as an agent for progressivism. But obviously the pipe-weed operation that exists is the dominant influence in Middle Earth. It's not some ludicrous magical ring. 

Zinn: You've mentioned in the past the various flavors of pipe-weed that Hobbits have cultivated: Gold Leaf, Old Toby, etc. 

Chomsky: Nothing better illustrates the sophistication of the smuggling ring than the fact that there are different brand names associated with the pipe-weed. Ah, here we have Gandalf smoking a pipe in his wagon — the first of many clues that link us to the hidden undercurrents of power. 

Zinn: Gandalf is deeply implicated. That's true. And of course the ring lore begins with him. He's the one who leaks this news of the supposed evil ring.


nick

I swore to be faithful a long time ago...

"Do you Barack Hussein Obama faithfully swear... uh, swear to be faithful, and uphold, the hope of Presidents and... oh fuck it, I need another beer."

nick

Celebrity blogging...

I read today on People.com that in addition to rubbing JGar’s feet and attending ObamaCON in Denver this week, Ben Affleck will be playing some charity poker to benefit disabled veterans. A noble cause most would agree, but really, were I a disabled veteran, I wouldn’t expect a whole lot out of this. See, when we were in Vegas back in June I caught up with Ben for a not-so-friendly game of seven card stud.



Let’s just say that by the time we were done playing, he was rubbing my feet and offering me his first born. Already having a hot baby of my own, I politely declined. I instead offered mercy for all of his money and a part yet to be determined in his upcoming homemade sex tape with Jen. Not a bad deal.

Until I took the money and lost it all getting my ass kicked on the links by TWood and some other old ass fuck.

Nick

Hi, I'm Governor Spitzer. Got hooker?

I've tried to think of what I would say were I in this douche bag's shoes. And then I really tried.

I got nothing.

Forget for a second that prostitution is wrong and all that. Let's look at the facts.

For one, it's not like your wife is ugly. She's no $1,000/hour hooker, but c'mon.*

Then of course, you have a family. "Hi, we're your three daughters. Have we met?"

And, the state that elected you Governor, and you know, gave you a bunch of money. "Hi, we're the State of New York. 'member us?"

No... let's make matters worse and be a jackass. Who runs around cracking the whip on everyone else's ass. "Hi pot, I'm kettle."

It's one thing to cheat, have an affair, get knob jobs from some intern, etc. But a $1,000/hour prostitute? You have to pay someone to cheat on your wife with?

You're the Governor! Of New York!

I'm pretty sure that, a) women will sleep with you just because your Governor of New York, b) I've never been to New York, but I'm pretty damn sure they have cheaper prostitutes.

$1,000/hour?

Eddie Murphy didn't pay no $1,000/hour in Coming to America, and that boy was po', and shoppin' in Queens.

*What the hell does a $1,000/hour look like?

Nick

What's DILF mean?

So I was thinking, as I sometimes do, wouldn't it be great if I still had access to my old blog posts from my DILF blog? Well, turns out I do! And now you do too! It's a lot of old stuff, you know, from when I was a younger man... but some of it's fun reading if you're ever bored.

http://therealdilf.blogspot.com/

The bots will never take this one alive!!!

btw - does anyone care about politics? Want to hear my take? Tough. Wait, ok, here it is. I hate McCain and I wouldn't ever vote for Obama or Clinton. Hey, who's the Constitution Party's candidate this year?

btww - yeah, Favre finally retired. What, you people didn't see it coming? Me neither. Oh well. We'll miss ya buddy.



Now, off to play poker!

Nick

Mixed bag Monday

* I'm a little scatter-brained today, so play along. Lot's of things to cover from the weekend and such.

* I played two poker tournaments this weekend and again, didn't do as well as I would have liked. I feel like I'm playing well, and for the most part making the right calls, just not getting the right cards at the right time. I do have some adjustments I'm going to try, including being more aggressive early on. One thing I've noticed is I've played a little more conservatively up front, and then have been bullied by the larger chip stacks later on. I want to be the bully...

* I'm playing this weekend in a tournament of 44 players. The winner gets a $10,000 buy in to the World Series of Poker main event and paid air fare to the Land of Hethens (aka Las Vegas). If there was ever a time to bring my A game, this is it. The winner of the main event in Vegas last year brought home... I think it was $12 million.

* I heard a funny and true line in a NOFX song on the way in this morning - "The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs"

* Watched The Departed last night. Not impressed. It was a typical mob movie. There's a mob boss, some mob lackeys, a couple of rats, and a lot of pretty gruesome killing. That's it. The end was confusing, although I admit, I'm easily confused because I just don't pay a lot of attention to mob movies. I won't talk about why I was confused, because it may spoil it for some. But does anyone know why that one dude killed the other dude? There's 87 possibilities I can think of, but unless I missed something, I don't think any can be ruled out. Ah, screw it, I don't really care...

* I done went and got myself involved in some stupid post war about Social Security reform on some stupid local message board. Why? Why do I do this to myself? I know it won't get anywhere, because the only people willing to argue the subject just hate Bush and have no real interest in discussing private SS accounts. They say things like "it will bankrupt Social Security" and "it's Bush's favor to Wall Street". Yeah, ok. Is our society so dumbed down now that we're only able to speak in bumper sticker style sentences? I realize the hatred for our current President is off the charts, but should that deter us from debating issues that face our country? Apparently it should. I guess when we stick with the status quo, and just raise taxes to pay for decreased benefits, I'll follow along like a good little sheep. I tried, it's pointless, I'm done trying.

* Am I the only parent on the face of the earth who does not want his child to have a cell phone? I know responsibility and independence are foreign concepts in today's age, but I'm of the opinion we have taken things with kids way too far. A co-worker said to me today, "just wait, Braeden will have a blackberry by the time he's four." Trust me, my dear readers, over my dead fuckin' body...

* I'm going to be a horrible parent. It's just true.

Nick

Just call me, Victor Crackerass

I have to admit, I was a little surprised by some of the answers to the quiz. I wish I had more readers so I could get a better sample size, but that's neither here nor there. And you may be thinking I just pulled these little questions from my own nether region, but oh no, I wouldn't waste your time like that. Well, ok, some questions I just threw out there to make it a little more interesting... Let's review.

Question #1 I asked whether you would take advantage of a romantic getaway including all the accommodations, including an in-room pool, slide, hot tub, etc... Everyone was rather enthusiastic in answering that they would. And I ask because a few co-workers and myself had this very conversation yesterday. Most wouldn't. I said I would too, but they made very good cases regarding the cleanliness of such rooms. Really, think about that, and then reconsider your answer. I'd still go. I figure, if I roll around in some dry splooge, no one's probably the wiser... That's just me though. A comment made about what's in the pool, which is probably never drained or properly cleaned, kind of made me think twice though...

Question #2 was about the State of the Union. It was just a relevant current event type thing. We watched some, but the whole state of politics in this country just pisses me off these days. I'm all for exiling them all and starting from scratch.

Question #3 was to gauge your feelings on race. The definition of racism is discrimination or prejudice based on race. There is indeed a Congressional Black Caucus, which is a group of black congressional members who meet to discuss legislation, or whatever. Recently a new congress member asked to join because he represents a mainly black district. He was denied "membership" because he is white. Think about that for a while.

Question #4 I find a very interesting question. I think most men... wait, stop. I HOPE most men do at least some clean up. But what percentage do you think will admit to it? And no way is anyone waxing their nuts, are you crazy!

Question #5 I was a little surprised at. I thought more people cared, with the way that women follow celebrities these days. Truth be told, I find it a little obnoxious that we parade celebrities out in front of the world to pat them on the back all the time. Oscars, Grammies, this award, that award... Don't we give them enough by seeing the movies? Now we have to give them awards too? Maybe a better question would have been - who will be the first to make an ass of themselves by getting all political after they get their award? Is anything more obnoxious than a political celebrity?

Question #6 I was just putting out some feelers for the weekend.

Question #7 I was surprised again. Not only do I think a majority of women pay men lip service by saying they would have sex with another women, there is no way 99% of women would let their husband/bf have sex with another man. I think the former percentage probably find male gay sex repulsive. You may not want to admit that, but I'd bet the farm on it. There's a reason that dirty talk never involves man on man action. Does it involve girl on girl action? Seriously... I'm asking... does it?

Question #8 I'm just trying to figure out where the hell everyone went... My gut feeling is that blogging by normal, every day people like us hit it's peak about 6 months ago. Now you either get tons of hits, or no hits. Oh well, we press on.

Question #9 I was just looking for something to do Friday night.

Question #10 I asked because it's always fun to imagine yourself a rich millionaire. Living in a city where 100s have struck it rich with the lottery, it's a common discussion anytime the lottery hits $100 million. Tonight's drawing is $240 million. That's a lot of cash people, and I intend to win it. And if I do, I'm going to become a professional poker player and do lots of travelling with my beautiful wife and super cool son.

Well, that was a lot of fun. Thanks for playing. And hey, maybe make up your own quiz. It's fun.

Nick

Not a so funny...

I'm bored. So, let's do a little quiz, if you would please. I'm interested in seeing where all three of my readers stand on some things.

1. If you won a free romantic "getaway" at a place that included a pool, slide, hot tub, the whole romantic nine yards in your room, would you use it?

2. Are you going to, or did you, watch the State of the Union address?

3. Do you think the Congressional Black Caucus is racist? Do you think a Congressional White Caucus would be?

4. Regarding the nether region of men, completely shaven, partially shaven or let nature take it's course? How about women?

5. Do you really care who wins an Oscar?

6. If I invited you over to play poker on Saturday, would you come?

7. If you could have sex with an incredibly good looking member of the same sex, would you? Would you let your significant other, should you have one?

8. If you come to this blog regularly, why?

9. It's Friday night. If you could do anything in the whole world, what would it be?

10. If you won the $240 million Powerball jackpot tomorrow, and you could spend the rest of your life doing what you really love, what would it be?

Nick

I'm seeing red...

*Warning - the following post contains right-wing political rhetoric sent to me exclusively from Fox News Channel. If you don't like that shit, then leave.

I was reading the following post on some liberal blog this aft, over lunch. I don't know why I do this to myself. I know in my heart I tend to disagree strongly with liberal politics. But it's like when you pass a bad accident on the highway. You don't want to look, but you just do. And then you wish you hadn't, because now that's all you can think about.

Isn't it always amazing how you just come upon accidents that JUST happened? Like, if you were driving a mph faster, you would have been involved? Scary stuff.

Anyways, I'm reading this blog post. Reading. Reading. And then this...

There are issues that do demand [Democratic Party] unity — opposition to President Bush’s effort to end Social Security was one of them, for example...

I find it hard to live with my fellow humans sometimes. Look, I understand if you like Social Security as is. I even understand if all you want to do is oppose the President. It's not a real productive plan, but whatever, it's a free country. Do what you want.

But I simply can't stand the opposition to diverting a small percentage of payroll taxes into a retirement account. It drives me fucking mad. Here's why:

1. It would have been voluntary. If you're against the idea, DON'T DO IT!

2. The government in this country is a fucking joke. Any chance I get to take money away from them, I'll take.

3. My 401k made over 15% last year. The money I put into Social Security hasn't made shit. It never has and never will. In fact, it was probably spent on that stupid fucking bridge to nowhere in Alaska.

4. Politicians don't do Social Security. They don't pay in, they don't take out. Why? Because they're not stupid enough.

5. The money saved in my personal account would be mine. If I die, I would get to give it to someone, like my family. Now, if I die, my family gets just over $200, no matter how much I put into Social Security. Rip off? hmmmm....

This. This is why I don't believe in God. He wouldn't have surrounded me with such idiocy. I don't deserve it.

Nick

I guess that's life huh?

I guess now that I'm back to work, I should get back to some blogging. It's been a while, so I'll split this post up a bit.

* Everyone's been asking me how having a baby around is. It's fun for the most part. We're getting used to everything like feeding, changing diapers, sleeping, etc... And he's been pretty good, with the exception of being a little fussy every now and again (mostly when I have him...), but that's to be expected. So all in all, things are going well. Still no sex though...

* We've nicknamed Braeden the "Icebox". That's the noise he makes when he's crapping in his diaper. You will now refer to Braeden strictly as the "Icebox". Or "Mr. Icebox" if you're nasty.

* I haven't written about the elections, because I don't know what to think really. While basically nothing I voted for went my way, I can't say I was real excited about what I was voting for in the first place. Our government isn't going to do anything I care about regardless of who is in power, so I guess I can't say I care a whole lot either way. I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal and our government is just not set up to cater to people like me. They'll continue to take more of our money, spend more of our money and seek to run our lives from conception to death. I wonder what the job market in Holland is like...

* I lost again in fantasy football this week. The Gods have not been good to me this year.

* With Icebox around, I've only been able to play smidgens of poker lately. My guess is that will continue for the most part until he is self sufficient. When does that happen? 10 years old? 12? I guess it's probably a good thing, because I have a tendency to become extremely addicted to things I find I like, and it's not good to neglect family, and real life and things like that to play poker. But it's hard to find something you really like to do, and then not be able to do it very much. I guess that's life huh?

* I'm so looking forward to Christmas this year. It's always a fun time of year, spending time with family and the like, but it seems like it will be so much funner (I love that word) with a baby, or kid, or what have you. See, I do have a softer side to me... I love babies, I admit, all their cuteness and cuddlie... uh... ness.... The best part about this year is, we don't have to buy Braeden anything. He won't know the difference, and I'm sure he will get plenty of the Spoil Squad Grandmothers...

* I wish my dad could have been there to see me become a dad. And likewise for the hot wife's dad. Sure, our mother's have gone on and remarried, but it's not the same. Yeah, I'll survive and all, but there is guidance from a father that you can't really get anywhere else. I know some people will say, well, he's up there watching over ya... Eh, it's a nice thought and all, but not being big on the whole heaven thing, I think I'm pretty much alone on this one. What can ya do...

* It's a pain in the ass to lose weight when people keep bringing food when they visit. Who the hell started this tradition? People, when you visit new parents, bring some cleaning supplies or something. Diapers maybe. Or just money. They don't want your damn lasagna. It's good and all, and it is nice to not have to cook, but if I keep eating like this, no amount of running will save me...

* Alright, that's enough for one day. Bye.

Nick

Undermine this you bitch...

"Gambling is a serious addiction that undermines the family, dashes dreams, and frays the fabric of society."

So says Bill f$*& head Frist in regards to using a Port Security bill to pass a ban on funding online gaming accounts. Because dammit, Bill Frist and the rest of his jackass politician buddies, who make more than you and I combined for doing just about nothing, know exactly how you and I should spend our money. And heaven forbid we spend it on something that undermines the family. Dashes dreams. Frays the fabric of the almighty American society. As opposed to sending high school interns emails telling them to strip down to nothing and take pictures, which apparently does none of those things that gambling online does.

Frays the fabric of society people! Incidentally, betting on horse races does not undermine the family, dash dreams, nor fray the fabric of society... One wonders, do the politicians in our great capital have horse fetishes? First they ban the slaughter of horses for food, and then they explicitly allow horses to be forced to run around in circles for the amusement and, gasp, GAMBLING of spectators?

Honestly, is online gambling that much worse than the other sins that are swept under the rug and/or completely legal in this country? Do not other activities fray the fabric of society? I think so. Let's indulge in a top 10 of things that fray the fabric of society, shall we?

1. Guns. Duh... Have you read the news lately? Sure, some will say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. I agree.

2. People. With guns. Who are not all there. See #1.

3. Cell phones. Does not speaking on a cell phone while waiting in a drive-thru line fray the fabric of society? It sure as hell frays the fabric of my sanity. Or what about those cyborg ear pieces people wear now, walking around, talking to themselves. Does your ARM NOT EXTEND TO YOUR EAR, ROBOT?!?!?!

Moving. On.

4. United States Rep. Mark Foley, whom recently resigned after it was discovered (last year) he sent "overly friendly" emails to high school pages working for the government. "Sure, we knew he was sending overly friendly emails to high school boys, but where's the harm in that? Online poker, not pedophilia, is the real dream dasher in this country!"

5. Chuck Norris. Trust me, when Chuck Norris round house kicks you to the face, your dreams will be dashed.

6. Walmart. All their cheap prices... and and... employees... and and... infrastructure requirements... and and... anti-union activities... Clearly undermining the family.

7. The Catholic Church. Another group of people, besides Congress, with a strange liking for underage boys. You know, the Catholic Church and Congress actually have quite a bit in common. They both have way too much money, they're all pompous assholes who are accountable to no one, and they are not safe in the presence of young boys. Hmm. Weird.

8. Al Qaeda. 'Member those guys? Pretty sure they still want to either convert us to radical Islam or kill us. Hmmm.. Should we go after Al Qaeda or the average Joe playing a little poker in his living room after working all day... Tough call.

9. Wife Swap. Is this not the definition of undermining the family???

10. Guys who wear pink shirts. This doesn't really undermine the family, dash dreams or fray the fabric of society, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do.

So, see, there are things far worse than online gambling that we should be focused on as a society. If you agree, and I trust you do, vote Libertarian on November 7th. Send the Republicans and Democrats a message that we hate them and all they stand for, and we just want to play some cards online. K? Can you do that for me? Great, I knew I loved you all for a reason...

Nick

O'Doyle rules!

One of the things that I am afraid of passing on to our son is my contempt for authority. Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm not exactly an outcast or a squatter or anything like that. But I have always been a very independent person. And that could be because I was the only boy in a family of three kids, so I always played with myself. Literally...

I hate when people tell me what to do, or make plans for me (just ask the hot wife), or try to get me to believe something I don't want to believe, or agree with something I don't want to agree with, or what have you.

On one hand, being independent can be a good thing, but I can see it leading to problems for the lad as well. I guess because I know what it's like going through life like that.

Just take simple things like religion and politics. I don't believe in God, and I have voted Republican almost every time I have voted. Try bringing that up in a conversation these days... I've come close to kicking friends out of my house before because people will just freak out when they hear such nonsense. "How could you vote for George Bush?! Don't you know he's responsible for blowing up the World Trade Center??!!" "If you don't believe in God, you're going to hell." "How could you not believe in God but vote Republican? Don't you know they are anti-business?"

But I don't give a f&*% what other people think. In fact, the more what I do or think pisses people off, the more I want to do or think it. Being offensive is humorous to me. But I'm not real sure that this is a trait I want to pass on to my child. Do I want to be the person who gives my kid a mohawk just so old people look and say, "Oh goodness, that poor child..." and we can flip them off together? Do I want to dress my kid like a punk so people think we neglect him and let him do whatever he wants at two years old? And then when they say something I can tell them to f$%* off and mind their own business?

F$%* it. My kid is going to kick your kids ass...

Nick

......I'm not exactly sure why I still refuse to not spell F$%* correctly. I guess I want to be offensive, and yet, kid friendly.... I'm weird like that.