Undermine this you bitch...

"Gambling is a serious addiction that undermines the family, dashes dreams, and frays the fabric of society."

So says Bill f$*& head Frist in regards to using a Port Security bill to pass a ban on funding online gaming accounts. Because dammit, Bill Frist and the rest of his jackass politician buddies, who make more than you and I combined for doing just about nothing, know exactly how you and I should spend our money. And heaven forbid we spend it on something that undermines the family. Dashes dreams. Frays the fabric of the almighty American society. As opposed to sending high school interns emails telling them to strip down to nothing and take pictures, which apparently does none of those things that gambling online does.

Frays the fabric of society people! Incidentally, betting on horse races does not undermine the family, dash dreams, nor fray the fabric of society... One wonders, do the politicians in our great capital have horse fetishes? First they ban the slaughter of horses for food, and then they explicitly allow horses to be forced to run around in circles for the amusement and, gasp, GAMBLING of spectators?

Honestly, is online gambling that much worse than the other sins that are swept under the rug and/or completely legal in this country? Do not other activities fray the fabric of society? I think so. Let's indulge in a top 10 of things that fray the fabric of society, shall we?

1. Guns. Duh... Have you read the news lately? Sure, some will say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. I agree.

2. People. With guns. Who are not all there. See #1.

3. Cell phones. Does not speaking on a cell phone while waiting in a drive-thru line fray the fabric of society? It sure as hell frays the fabric of my sanity. Or what about those cyborg ear pieces people wear now, walking around, talking to themselves. Does your ARM NOT EXTEND TO YOUR EAR, ROBOT?!?!?!

Moving. On.

4. United States Rep. Mark Foley, whom recently resigned after it was discovered (last year) he sent "overly friendly" emails to high school pages working for the government. "Sure, we knew he was sending overly friendly emails to high school boys, but where's the harm in that? Online poker, not pedophilia, is the real dream dasher in this country!"

5. Chuck Norris. Trust me, when Chuck Norris round house kicks you to the face, your dreams will be dashed.

6. Walmart. All their cheap prices... and and... employees... and and... infrastructure requirements... and and... anti-union activities... Clearly undermining the family.

7. The Catholic Church. Another group of people, besides Congress, with a strange liking for underage boys. You know, the Catholic Church and Congress actually have quite a bit in common. They both have way too much money, they're all pompous assholes who are accountable to no one, and they are not safe in the presence of young boys. Hmm. Weird.

8. Al Qaeda. 'Member those guys? Pretty sure they still want to either convert us to radical Islam or kill us. Hmmm.. Should we go after Al Qaeda or the average Joe playing a little poker in his living room after working all day... Tough call.

9. Wife Swap. Is this not the definition of undermining the family???

10. Guys who wear pink shirts. This doesn't really undermine the family, dash dreams or fray the fabric of society, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do.

So, see, there are things far worse than online gambling that we should be focused on as a society. If you agree, and I trust you do, vote Libertarian on November 7th. Send the Republicans and Democrats a message that we hate them and all they stand for, and we just want to play some cards online. K? Can you do that for me? Great, I knew I loved you all for a reason...

Nick