Photo Friday

Hey Ho, Cindy Sheehan is a ho!

Oh, hi Cindy... I, uh, like your tambourine...

Nick

3Doggie Dogg

Occasionally they post reader artwork to a blog called We Love Hot Dogs. I thought that, given my mastery of 3D CAD modeling, I would create a little somethin' somethin'. I did, and submitted it. Unfortunately it didn't appear to make the cut and was never posted. Hello depression... blues.... doldrums... dysphoria...

I don't create much art, and have certainly never considered myself an artist. But I like this creation, and hope you will too.

I call it, uh... 3Dog.




These were created in ProEngineer, which is a solid modeling CAD (computer aided design) software package.

Nick

To beat the hell out of a predator...

I'm sure you have all seen this show on Dateline called To Catch a Predator. Basically they pose as children online and invite goons from the internet over, and then they bust them.

I think we need to take this a step further. Why don't we all just get a few buddies together every Saturday, with a few six packs of beer, and we'll pose as kids online. And when those f'ing maggots come to the door, we'll let them in...

and pummel the f'ing shit out of them.

Maybe if there's a chance they might get their asses kicked by six or seven guys who have been drinking all day, maybe then they might think twice about molesting children.

Nick

I love you all.

This year the hot wife and I will have been together for 10 years. Since our senior year in high school. Sometimes it feels like we have always been together. When our friends talk about being together for a year or two, it's hard for me to imagine. When I see our friends fight and bicker to the point of divorce, it's even harder to imagine. We've had three close friends already get divorced and one, who we mentioned recently, well on their way.

This does not speak well for our generation. What's weird is the hot wife and I have been to all their weddings... maybe we're bad luck? Yeah f'ing right, don't blame this shit on us...

It begs the question though, what is to blame?

A couple of years ago the hot wife and I went through what has so far been the only rough patch in our lives together. She was working a lot with a new job, and I had a shit load of free time. Not a real great combination. Throw in some drugs, a lot of alcohol, and a winter from f'ing frozen hell, and some tension is bound to build up.

Most of the problems had to do with me really. The hot wife would come home stressed from work, and I would expect her to drop everything and have sex with me. Hey, I said I had lots of free time, k? Well, of course, when you come home from work stressed out, sex probably isn't the first thing on your mind. And when you just want to have sex, the last thing you want to hear about is how shitty someone's job is. So I'd get all pissed off. And then she'd get all pissed off. Let's just say it was a long winter.

Eventually this carries over into other things. You expect these situations, so you almost want to avoid each other. Start going out just to get away, which leads to trust issues. You start blaming each other, which is really just projecting your own insecurities.

What's my point in all of this? The problems the hot wife and I had that winter are the same problems I see my friends all having. Selfishness, trust issues, insecurity... All these issues are basically you wanting the person you're with to be something you want them to be. But therein lies the problem.

At some point that winter or spring, I just said f*ck it. I can't control how other people act, and I'm not going to let my feelings be controlled by something that I can't control. The only way things are going to get better is if I fully trust my wife. If I love her with everything I have. If I listen when she wants to talk about work. And dammit, I'm going to be happy, no matter what. Because I want to.

That's a hard thing to do, even though it sounds easy. Because at that point you have spent so much time focusing on the problems, and whose fault they are. But to turn that around and simply focus on the love, the happy, the good... that takes work. But it does work. When you project love, instead of insecurity, mistrust and anger, it comes back around sooner or later.

My friends never said f*ck it. They never got past the problem stage. The selfishness, insecurity and mistrust were so intense, that love just got shoved aside. And marriages were ruined. Lives ruined. Kids have divorced parents who are miserable.

Love guys. It's all about love. Let the insecurity go. Trust. Love.

And don't play with axes. I love you guys too much to see you get hurt.

Nick

A great song

If you have the ability to listen to MPEG4 (Realplayer will play them), here is an amazing song by Garrison Starr.

Garrison Starr - Pretending

She is playing in Madison, WI on July 15th, and we're seriously considering going to see her. She is an amazing musician. Some of her songs almost have a Dixie Chicks sound to it. I hate to compare people, but just so you don't think it's Death Metal or something... ahem...

DOWNLOAD THE SONG!

And then go to her website and buy her cd - Garrison Starr's website.

Nick

Wait. What happened on Saturday?

Saturday night I was so kind as to drag the hot wife along to a cookout/bonfire/drunk fest. It really started from a miscommunication. I thought she said she wanted to do something, so I made plans. I don't know if she was trying to find me something to do, get me out of the house or what, but she was a good sport and came along anyways.

The reason I wanted to go to this little event was because we'd heard thru the grapevine that this particular host couple was having some issues and possibly even considering divorce. Apparently when they get drunk, things go downhill. That's funny, I've never heard of that being an issue before...

Well, we've hung out with these drunks, er... friends, a few times, but we always leave before the fireworks go off I guess. This night I wanted to hang around, observe the situation, and then work my magic and fix everything. I'm good with this kind of stuff, you know, I'm smart. Not because I want them to stay together. I don't. She's a bitch. And I think she might be a lesbian. Not that I have anything against lesbians. Except when they're ugly and want to play naked twister with my wife...

If you just threw up in your mouth baby, I'm sorry. But it added the necessary flair to my story here.

So anyways, I load up the cooler for a night of good times, and the hot wife and I head over to this natural disaster in the making. Of course, we are the first ones, so the hot wife is stuck talking to the rabid beast, while I check out the massive garden with the host.

And then I got drunk. Reeeeeaaaaalllly drunk.

Oh, and I tried to hit someone with an axe apparently. Jokingly. As if that's possible.

Oh oh, and then they ended up getting in this huge fight and I F'ING MISSED IT, and now they're going to get divorced, and it will be all my fault, because I wasn't there to help them thru this difficult time.

I'm going to be a father in 5 months, and this is how I accept responsibility. This is how I help my friends when they need me. My kid's going to need my help some day and I'm going to whack the poor schmuck with an axe because I'm drunk.

I'm sorry Braeden. In advance.

Nick

Mason Jennings, 6/23/06, Pabst Theater in Milwaukee, WI

I realize that I'm slacking on the Mason Jennings concert review. There just seemed like there was so much else going on this weekend, it stole some of the concert's thunder. I'll try to come up with something though, for the one person who probably cares at all... me.

Besides for one friend deciding he didn't want to go at the last minute, all went well with the show. The Pabst Theater in Milwaukee is one kick ass venue for a show like that. The hot wife wasn't too excited about sitting on the second level, but it beat having to stand up when everyone else did. At least we were front row on the second level.

The show started with Teddy Thompson I don't know... I don't want to say I didn't like him, I just wasn't very impressed by his music. It bored me. But he is pretty popular, opening for Dave Matthews and playing on late night shows like the Conan O'Brian show. Check him out, maybe you'll see something I didn't.

Mason played a great show, though it was strange with the piano player. The set list was something to the effect of:

Be Here Now
Bullet
If You Need a Reason
Crown
Sorry Signs on Cash Machines
If You Ain't Got Love
Adrian
That Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven
In Your City
Jackson Square
Ulysses
Ballad For My One True Love
Damn What a Beautiful Man
Which Way Your Heart Will Go
Moon Sailing On The Water
Killers Creek
The Mountain

Encore:
Jesus Are You Real
Butterfly
Godless

I'm sure I'm missing some. I think That Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven is a John Prine cover. It was a great song, whose ever it is. I think that was the only cover he played.

I was disappointed he only played the harmonica on Crown, and only played solo on the piano for In Your City, which is my favorite song. Whoever decided to take the harmonica out of Jackson Square was wrong. Take the piano out, put the harmonica back in. There were some other songs that I like but made me sleepy. Like Ballad For My One True Love. Maybe the theater seats were too comfy, but I think I dosed off on that one. Maybe it was all the Pabst beer we were drinking. In 16 ounce cans!

Don't drink 16 ounce cans of Pabst at a show. I think I had to go to the bathroom like every 15 seconds. I should have went with mixers.

I think that's about it. I wish I had some pictures to show, but I wasn't sure if you could bring a camera in. The tickets said no cameras, but everyone had them. We snapped some with the camera phone, but I doubt they turned out. Sucky. I stole the one for this post from here.

If Mason is coming anywhere near you, go see him. For $15-$20, you can't go wrong.

Nick

Congrats! It's a.....

It's a boy!

Everything looked good and healthy. He has all his fingers and toes. And so far he is a very active boy. He didn't sit still at all during the ultrasound.

By the way... I'm too lazy to erase our last name from the pics. But don't stalk us please.

Nick

F*&% it, let's all run for the border...

Uncle Rico: Kip, I reckon... you know a lot about... cyberspace? You ever come across anything... like time travel?
Kip: Easy, I've already looked into it for myself.
Uncle Rico: Right on... right on.

I was listening to a couple of co-workers this morning talking. Both have daughters. One was saying that he heard on the radio on the way in that girls in high school are more and more using... hmmm... how do I say this appropriately... uh, girl on girl action, to attract the attention of boys.

They're kissing each other more. Touching. More. Not because they like each other, but because they want all the little boys to think they're wild and crazy.

"You ever come across anything... like time travel?"

Where the hell was this trend when I was in high school? Huh? There were no girls kissing in my high school. Of course, there were no girls wearing short mini skirts either, which apparently is the trend these days.

What changed, and when did it change?

"Kip, I reckon... you know a lot about... cyberspace?"

It has to be the work of the internet. The ever increasingly immoral internet. So wonderful, yet, so wonderfully... immoral. Because you don't see this stuff on tv. Unless of course you are up late enough to catch those Girls Gone Wild informercials.

I mean... I've heard they are on late at night. I haven't stayed up past midnight in years.

By the way, where do you think the Girls Gone Wild girls hang out when they are not on spring break? Not in Wisconsin, that I assure you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, girls kissing. MMMM... Ahh... Ohhh...

"Easy, I've already looked into it for myself."

I wonder if women understand men's fascination with women kissing each other. It's kind of like this... Women, you like to buy shoes right? Well, let's imagine you could buy one shoe, or you could buy two shoes. You're going to buy two shoes, right? Because... you probably have two feet.... Maybe this was a bad example.

Ok, how about if you could eat one Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco from Taco Bell, or you could eat two. You're gonna eat two, right? You could eat one. You like to eat one. You're more than happy spending your life with just one Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco from Taco Bell. But if you could choose, you'd pick two. It's not always feasible to have two, but sometimes you just want to go all out.

So there you have it. Where else do you get sex explained to you using Taco Bell analogies?

So like women like their shoes and Ranchero Chicken Soft Tacos, men like their women. Two to a pair brother...

"Right on... right on."

Nick

Lookey, Lookey...

Well, well, well... look at me.

I have a college degree.



'bout damn time...

Nick

Beer Stuff

Everyone has a funky collection of some sorts. Mine is beer stuff. When we lived in an apartment, we actually had a full size bar in the dining room. So I started collecting beer stuff, and drinking a lot.

I like to try different beers, so for a time I would save one from each six or twelve pack I bought, or what have you. I have over 80 different beer bottles, all still full. I've tried probably 95% of them, some I just acquired through different means.

It's been a fun collection, but admittedly, kind of useless. I have nowhere to put any of this stuff so it's been sitting in the basement collecting dust. I'm pondering starting an Ebay store and trying to unload some of it. If anyone has a bar, I'd be willing to donate it for a bar tab...

I present to you, my beer stuff.






Nick

Please don't kill me.

Once upon a time I used to think that when I died and came crashing down to the fiery depths of hell, that my eternal damnation would entail following people around in Walmart while they knock shit over and clog up normal consumer traffic with their shopping carts.

I truly believe that shopping carts are just the devil's way of extending people's stupidness into the neutral space. Always stopping, with their cart in the middle of the aisle while they stare blankly into outer space, as if, what they are looking for was. just. right. here. a second ago. Always pushing their carts into the aisles without looking first, as if, well, no one actually walks in the aisle. I think I'll just push 50 pounds of steel wire and cat litter out into this aisle without regard for the fact that, wow, there are other people in this world besides me. Imagine that.

But no people. Following idiots with shopping carts will not be where I will be spending all of after life eternity. Praise be the devil. Or not.

I will instead be spending life in hell. Sitting. Next to Connie Chung. Singing.



Please. Don't kill me.

Nick

Happy Father's Day

The last couple of Father's Days have been kind of weird. I guess because neither the hot wife nor I have a living father to celebrate with. The hot wife's dad passed away when she was very young, and mine passed away 2 years ago yesterday. Yeah, that's right. The first funeral I ever went to was my dad's, on Father's Day. Not exactly a memory I hold real dear.

It was a lot better this year though, because, duh, have you been living in a cave? I'm practically a dad already, and maybe even I am if you believe that whole - life begins at conception - stuff. I think I will feel even more like a dad after the ultrasound, which is this Friday. This Friday! We will hopefully be able to find out whether this thing is a boy or a girl.

Yes, I know back in your day "We didn't know for the whole nine months". Whaaa fricken whaaaa. At least you got to see the dinosaurs, right? I simply do not have the patience nor desire to wait that long. And with the technology and all to be able to tell, I refuse to pretend we're still in the stone age. This is the Here and Now Generation, is it not? Or maybe it's the McDonalds Generation. I don't fricken know.

If only we could have held off on Father's Day for one weekend, that would have been the perfect present. I guess timing has seldom been in my favor. Oh well, it is what it is. At least we will be able to celebrate by going to the Mason Jennings concert. This Friday!

This Friday is just going to absolutely rock. First we have the ultrasound, and hopefully find out the sex of our baby, and then we get to see Mason Jennings in concert. Again.

Wait. Damn. It's only Monday.

Nick

The nursery returns...

Everything about the baby's room leads me to believe the actual baby is going to be a real pain in the ass.

From having to rip the ceiling out and drywall it to put the ceiling fan in, to painting everything, to putting the corner trim up which didn't quite fit as nicely as I wanted but cost a buttload, to actually putting the damn ceiling fan in, and then taking it down to put the remote receiver that I forgot in, to thinking it didn't work and calling the electrician, to realizing it worked all along and we're just dumbasses, to having the carpet get ruined somewhere in Georgia and have to be re-ordered, and then finally to having to (still having to) sand the doors down because the carpet sits too high and the doors don't shut.

Pain. In. The. Ass.

But it's done. Except we don't have all the furniture yet. But other than that, it's done.

I present to you, the soon to be Pain In The Ass Baby's Pain In The Ass Nursery:






Nick

I'm seeing red...

Every once in a while I will get into these kicks where I really want to know about something. So I will spend a few days researching it. And then I will forget about it.

One time I spent a week or so learning about the life of Moses so I could argue that he did not split the Red Sea. Duh, you dumbasses, he walked around the top of it. Where the Suez Canal now is.

Lately I have been doing some reading on North Korea. Don't ask me why. I'm weird like that. It's pretty interesting, because seeing pictures of North Korea is like peering into space for the first time. It's so foreign.

One thing that bugs me about North Korea is when people say it's communist. It's most definately not. If anything, it's facist. All the power in the hands of the state. Communism does not mean state run and it certainly does not afford power to one specific group. Communism has never existed, and will never exist, so don't call countries communist.

Anywho, should any of you actually be interested in reading or even just looking at pictures about North Korea (the pictures are very, very interesting), here are some links I've found:

My Travels to Pyongyang and North Korea
Wandering Camera
The Initiative to Build Educational Links with North Korea

I doubt I would go there because I wouldn't feel too safe in a country that we are basically still at war with, but should you feel crazy enough, you can visit through Koryo Tours.

That's all.

Nick

Hooters! Hooters!

When we first started trying to have a kid, I never fathomed having anything but a little girl. I always pictured us with a girl. And then we got pregnant, and besides for the assholes telling us we're having twins, people started predicting a boy. I would just stare blankly, like I didn't even know what that meant.

"Boy?" What language is that? Ihgfgs ufyhren iugvndjfh. Same difference.

Since then I've had to sort of reprogram myself. What if we do have a boy? Certainly it's a possibility, right? Even despite the fact that we always had sex standing on our heads under a full moon, and afterwords with drank our slurpys from the spoon side of the straw. Because that my friends is how you conceive a girl, or so we were told.

So I tried to picture what life would be like if we had a boy instead of a girl. I admit, it's hard. I spent so long imagining a girl, it's hard to imagine a boy, which, I admit that now thinking about it, makes it more likely in my mind we're having a boy. That's just how my life goes.

Everyone has their opinions on which sex is better. I've listened to them all. I don't like to, but I do. Who the hell wants to go into something like this with a biased opinion, thinking one sex is better? I also don't much care for people's political opinions, but that never seems to stop them either... I just assume you hate Bush, I don't need your whole diatribe as to why.

Well, since I don't want to be biased, I decided to create lists for each sex. A good list. A happy list. Because no matter what this child is, I will be happy. Obviously there are cons to each sex, but we won't address those until after the kid is born. I don't want to jinx this experience. So, feel free to add any you can think of, but remember, positive thoughts.

boy:
trips to Hooters!
someone to throw the ball around with
going to the mall, but to pick up chicks
when he plays hockey, I can coach
Sunday/Monday football on tv
someone to mow the lawn and take the garbage out
in a pinch, boys can pee just about anywhere
maybe he can figure out all the tools I inherited from my dad

girl:
the hot wife gets the abstinence talk responsibility
boyfriends make good battle axe throwing target practice
"why don't you go shopping with mom so dad can watch football"
playing dress up can occupy a whole afternoon
finally, someone else to help the hot wife paint
girls are just cuter

Ah. It's refreshing to know kids are so great!

Nick

Speaking of porn...

Dudes... do you know what day it is today?

6/9.

69!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!! 69!!!!!

Do it 'til it hurts ya'll.

Ok. We now take you back to your regularly scheduled progra... 69!!!! WHOOOOO!!!

Sorry.

Nick

Photo Friday

Someone asked to see my favorite place in my house. Well, that would be the master suite. Let us observe.

Here is a peer into our master suite. For what it's worth, the hot wife desperately wanted to clean the mess up, but I insisted. I only bring you our real life. Promise. Notice though. Beautiful hardwood floors. Deep Cow Blood Red on the walls. I love the red. With some candles lit, and a bottle of a good Reisling, it can be extremely romantic...


Here is a shot of the entertainment... An extremely rare inside shot.


This is our bed (and various other objects, noticeably, what I wore to work today (nevermind the incorrect date on the camera)) This bed, believe it or not, is one of a kind. It was designed by me, and made from scratch by my dad. He said this would be his last project made of wood. He was right. He gave it to us as a Christmas present, and passed away that June. The man was amazing in his woodworking skills. Simply amazing.


Um. Socks.


This is the hot wife's side of the bed. Isn't that a cute wedding picture of us? Nevermind the date on the picture...


This is a picture album. What makes it special is the picture on the front is where the hot wife and I first hooked up. It was New Year's Eve, and as I'm sure she would be more than happy to remind you of, I snuck out the back door instead of heading into the basement for the final countdown. Hey! I didn't want a bunch of beer spilt on me before I drove home. She was going to kiss my I guess. I think it's just one of those guilt trips women put on you, just for kicks.

Sorry, I'm back now. I just had to kill a spider for the hot pregnant, still a wuss, wife....


Anywho. That brings us to the best part of my favorite room. The porn collection. It's not a real big collection, but some of these movies are like five hours long. Let's just say that we haven't quite seen them all yet... No, not all of this is porn, just some. But it's some. Porn. Good. Almighty porn.

I really love porn.

Yup.

So that's it. My favorite room in my house. I hope it was as enjoyable for you as it was painful for the hot pregnant wife. She is really not happy about the mess being published over the internet. I, on the other hand, like. No, I love it.

Have a great weekend everyone. Love ya.

Nick

We are free roving bovines, we run free today...

I think that sometimes people really have no idea what it's like living in a place like Wisconsin. It's different. Really different.

It's *this* different:

Cow on the loose at Brandon
THE REPORTER STAFF

BRANDON (WI) — A cow with a bad attitude is on the loose and throwing its weight around the Brandon area.

The 1,600-pound bovine ran over a farmer at 10:50 a.m. Wednesday and escaped from the National Farmers Organization, according to information heard on the police scanner.

Law enforcement officials that might come in contact with the cow were warned to be careful because it is known to have a bad attitude.

**************

A cow. With a bad attitude. Hmmm. I don't know about you guys, but I have heard it all now. I have a new found respect for these bovine creatures.

I wonder if there is a Cow Whisperer, much like the Dog Whisperer, they could bring in to teach the cow some manners.... Maybe teach the farmer how to exert a more positive energy with his cows...

Anyone else hungry for a burger?

Nick

The day after the devil came...

Do you know what today is? Besides the day after the devil came and f-ed everything up? By the way - we did have some nasty storms last night... maybe it was a sign.

Anyways, today is Cleo von der Anderung's birthday. She's my baby. And today my baby turns eight years old. EIGHT! That's old!

I still remember going into the ghetto of Milwaukee and picking her out for my 19th birthday present. She was only nine weeks old.


Cleo has been through everything with us. She has saved the hot wife's life. She has been show and tell and taught a class of kids how dogs can chase flashlights. She has sacrificed life and limb to test shelter dogs. She has taught and helped raised countless foster dogs. She has helped raise our own cats and dogs.

For a dog that we paid some guy in the ghetto $325 for, you simply could not ask for a better dog. I'm glad she's my baby. Happy birthday, and may you have many, many more.

Nick

And what do you have to say about it?

I haven't done this in a while, so I'm not sure how it will work out. But I really have no idea who you people are or what you all like to read about. So, for Friday, I will take suggestions.

Whatever you want me to write about, I will. Or maybe I'll just pick one suggestion and go with it.

To play along, simply leave a comment or send me an email (on the right) with your suggestion for a post topic. This may be your only chance to dictate content, or maybe even leave a comment, so don't be shy.

Nick

This is getting old...

Remember that part in Mr. Deeds when Longfellow Deeds (Adam Sandler) is trying to convince all the share holders of... was it Blake Auto Parts? Whatever. He's trying to convince them not to split up the company, and he says something to the effect of - if we ran into ourselves as kids, we'd kick our own asses.

It was one thing to sit home babysitting on Saturday. It was good practice. I'm down with that. I learned how to give a baby a bath, how to not let said baby lay on it's stomach on your lap and play (baby's puke apparently, alot), how to put baby pajamas on (don't you think they should put MORE buttons on them things? me too!) and a whole host of other baby related tasks that I'll need to know in due time.

But here's where I would kick my own ass if I met me in some weird time/space continuum chamber thingy... The real parents went to a wedding. Ok fine. They should be home by midnightish, I'll just stay up and watch some tv. As if a 26 year old could possibly stay up past 11pm on a Saturday... What was I thinking?

How pathetic am I? I can't even stay up until midnight on a weekend night???

That was the worst of it, but did you know that Saturday I helped plant flowers? And yesterday I went golfing? Yeah. That's right. Golfing. Yard work. In bed by 11pm.

Now I just need to order some new dentures and maybe upgrade my walker...

This is what you have to look forward to on this blog. No more going out and partying and talks about slutty bartenders and Jager Bombs and nights of drunk sex and making out with members of the same sex. Nope. None of that anymore.

Maybe I should change the name of the blog to Wheelchair Dad or something similar. Maybe I could call it I'm Old and Boring and You Should Probably Go Elsewhere For Entertainment.

Leave me now. To be old and boring. Save yourselves.

Nick

Welcome to Home Depot.

This bitch ass of a cold I've got coaxed me into taking a sick day yesterday, so I had some time to do a couple of little things that I don't normally get around to. Like updating my Myspace site. Don't ask me why I even bother. I think I do it because it helps me feel about 10 years younger. Because the age of the average Myspace user must be around 14.

And then I had to get out of the house, so after picking up the hot wife some lunch, I headed over to Home Depot to buy some paint. They must know us by name at the paint department over there by now. And we're always buying the whackiest colors, they must think we're crazy. They just look at me like, "where the hell you going with this color?"

"Oh, Cow Blood Red? That's for the nursery..."

But then I'm just walking around the store like I have ADHD, not really looking for anything in particular... and it hits me.

I'd make one hot ass Home Depot employee.



I didn't really have any point to this post, but figured I better get something in before the Nyquil buzz wears off.

Nick