I love you all.
This year the hot wife and I will have been together for 10 years. Since our senior year in high school. Sometimes it feels like we have always been together. When our friends talk about being together for a year or two, it's hard for me to imagine. When I see our friends fight and bicker to the point of divorce, it's even harder to imagine. We've had three close friends already get divorced and one, who we mentioned recently, well on their way.
This does not speak well for our generation. What's weird is the hot wife and I have been to all their weddings... maybe we're bad luck? Yeah f'ing right, don't blame this shit on us...
It begs the question though, what is to blame?
A couple of years ago the hot wife and I went through what has so far been the only rough patch in our lives together. She was working a lot with a new job, and I had a shit load of free time. Not a real great combination. Throw in some drugs, a lot of alcohol, and a winter from f'ing frozen hell, and some tension is bound to build up.
Most of the problems had to do with me really. The hot wife would come home stressed from work, and I would expect her to drop everything and have sex with me. Hey, I said I had lots of free time, k? Well, of course, when you come home from work stressed out, sex probably isn't the first thing on your mind. And when you just want to have sex, the last thing you want to hear about is how shitty someone's job is. So I'd get all pissed off. And then she'd get all pissed off. Let's just say it was a long winter.
Eventually this carries over into other things. You expect these situations, so you almost want to avoid each other. Start going out just to get away, which leads to trust issues. You start blaming each other, which is really just projecting your own insecurities.
What's my point in all of this? The problems the hot wife and I had that winter are the same problems I see my friends all having. Selfishness, trust issues, insecurity... All these issues are basically you wanting the person you're with to be something you want them to be. But therein lies the problem.
At some point that winter or spring, I just said f*ck it. I can't control how other people act, and I'm not going to let my feelings be controlled by something that I can't control. The only way things are going to get better is if I fully trust my wife. If I love her with everything I have. If I listen when she wants to talk about work. And dammit, I'm going to be happy, no matter what. Because I want to.
That's a hard thing to do, even though it sounds easy. Because at that point you have spent so much time focusing on the problems, and whose fault they are. But to turn that around and simply focus on the love, the happy, the good... that takes work. But it does work. When you project love, instead of insecurity, mistrust and anger, it comes back around sooner or later.
My friends never said f*ck it. They never got past the problem stage. The selfishness, insecurity and mistrust were so intense, that love just got shoved aside. And marriages were ruined. Lives ruined. Kids have divorced parents who are miserable.
Love guys. It's all about love. Let the insecurity go. Trust. Love.
And don't play with axes. I love you guys too much to see you get hurt.
Nick
This does not speak well for our generation. What's weird is the hot wife and I have been to all their weddings... maybe we're bad luck? Yeah f'ing right, don't blame this shit on us...
It begs the question though, what is to blame?
A couple of years ago the hot wife and I went through what has so far been the only rough patch in our lives together. She was working a lot with a new job, and I had a shit load of free time. Not a real great combination. Throw in some drugs, a lot of alcohol, and a winter from f'ing frozen hell, and some tension is bound to build up.
Most of the problems had to do with me really. The hot wife would come home stressed from work, and I would expect her to drop everything and have sex with me. Hey, I said I had lots of free time, k? Well, of course, when you come home from work stressed out, sex probably isn't the first thing on your mind. And when you just want to have sex, the last thing you want to hear about is how shitty someone's job is. So I'd get all pissed off. And then she'd get all pissed off. Let's just say it was a long winter.
Eventually this carries over into other things. You expect these situations, so you almost want to avoid each other. Start going out just to get away, which leads to trust issues. You start blaming each other, which is really just projecting your own insecurities.
What's my point in all of this? The problems the hot wife and I had that winter are the same problems I see my friends all having. Selfishness, trust issues, insecurity... All these issues are basically you wanting the person you're with to be something you want them to be. But therein lies the problem.
At some point that winter or spring, I just said f*ck it. I can't control how other people act, and I'm not going to let my feelings be controlled by something that I can't control. The only way things are going to get better is if I fully trust my wife. If I love her with everything I have. If I listen when she wants to talk about work. And dammit, I'm going to be happy, no matter what. Because I want to.
That's a hard thing to do, even though it sounds easy. Because at that point you have spent so much time focusing on the problems, and whose fault they are. But to turn that around and simply focus on the love, the happy, the good... that takes work. But it does work. When you project love, instead of insecurity, mistrust and anger, it comes back around sooner or later.
My friends never said f*ck it. They never got past the problem stage. The selfishness, insecurity and mistrust were so intense, that love just got shoved aside. And marriages were ruined. Lives ruined. Kids have divorced parents who are miserable.
Love guys. It's all about love. Let the insecurity go. Trust. Love.
And don't play with axes. I love you guys too much to see you get hurt.
Nick
posted by Nick at
12:03 PM
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