Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Now go wish her a Happy Birthday!

Nick

Hey, check this out...

Garrison Starr has a few live songs as movies up here. Check them out, and if you like what you see, go to her website, find a show and GO!

Nick

The infamy of Katrina

I think we'll save the Italy pictures for tomorrow or another day. We have bigger and badder ass things to talk about today. Like Hurricane Katrina and New Orleans. Yes, yes, of course, Katrina did screw up other places besides New Orleans, and I'm sure everyone on the southern coast is sick of hearing about New Orleans.

New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans (you know, like Marsha, Marsha, Marsha...) (not really).

Well, New Orleans is kind of a special place for us. And maybe for you too. Back in 2003 the hot wife and myself embarked on a journey of all journeys. Journies? No... Anyways, we went thru like 12 states in 10 days. 3,000 miles. In a VW Jetta. The first leg of the trip consisted of a straight thru trip from Wisconsin to Texas to visit my sister. But after we left Texas, on our way to Georgia to visit friends, we stopped in the Big Easy. Or the Big Smelly. Or the Big Holy God Damn F%&* Is It Hot Here. Or the Big Why Does Everyone Look Like They Want To Kill Us?

Whatever you call it, New Orleans was an eye opening experience for us. After we got lost walking around, almost got our hotel room raided, I got hustled for $20, and we almost got mugged on the trolley, we decided New Orleans was definitely not the place for us.

And then Hurricane Katrina came along and decided New Orleans is not really the place for anyone. At which time I used the capital that I had built up with God to request the horrible death of the aforementioned hustler...

I hope you spend your days in hell cleaning the gum off people's shoes. F$&%er.

So, all those horrible things aside, it's been one year since Katrina and the coast is rebuilding. New Orleans is rebuilding. Sort of. And despite the fact that I hate the place with all the life and soul I can donate to the cause, I realize it's an important place for swamp... er, the nation. So, I have decided to upload a few Mason Jennings songs about New Orleans to get people thinking about it. And to spread the word about Mason Jennings, of course.

So if you're crazy enough, and want to support the mass crime and slime that is the southern coast, do your part to help them out. Surely there is something worth supporting down there...

With that...

Jackson Square talk
Jackson Square
My Only Company

Nick

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, danana...

* We're back in our old home. Hope you join us going forward. If not, then f#$% ya.

* The hot wife and I went to a coming home party for a Reservist just back from Iraq on Saturday. We introduced ourselves and said welcome home, and we all talked about what he did over there, and what his plans are now that he's back, yadda yadda yadda. And then he said something that kind of surprised me. "I don't know what we're doing over there." I thought about that for a while. I don't know either.

* I don't know how anyone plays blackjack and wins. I never f'ing win. My Dad taught me to play when I was young. He was going to Vegas and needed some practice. I f'ing suck at it. I will play with $5 or $10 when I win a poker tournament. I think the key is to know when to step away from the table, because despite the games relative simplicity, it's only a matter of time before you lose all your damn money. Blackjack f'ing sucks.

* I've decided that I will never be a regular runner. I will do good for a couple of days, it feels great, I just start to up my distance and speed... and then I will run and my legs hurt so damn bad I want to shrivel up in a fetal position on the sidewalk and cry. F$%* f'ing running. I'll never be skinny, I'll never be in shape, I hate all of you in shape, running, mother f'ing... Kiss my ass!

* Bet you didn't know that we have camels in Wisconsin, did ya? F'ing camels.

* F%&*

* F'ing F%&*

* Isn't funny how I will never write f%&* on my blog, but any other swear word is fair game? Cock, shit, balls, all fair game. I guess I'm just trying to keep things family friendly. I never know when Braeden my stumble upon this blog. I don't want him running around saying f&%* this f%&* that. It's inappropriate.

* It bugs me when I hear parents say "my kid(s) won't listen to me." Parents in general bug me sometime.

* I have pictures to post tomorrow, so stay tuned. From my trip to Italy.

Nick

The DILF conjecture

I was reading this story today about some douche bag mathematician guy named Grigori Perelman. Perelman was due a prize of one million smackers for proving a conjecture called the Poincaré conjecture. What the Poincaré conjecture states is that if all loops of an enclosed three dimensional space can be reduced to a single point, the three dimensional space is a three dimensional sphere. Or, whatever.

Like who couldn't prove that?

He didn't show up to receive the prize, claiming the the prize was the solution to the problem itself. Or something stupid that only some crazy mathematician nutcase would say. Really what he is saying is that he is above all that material shit like money, and probably food... and sleep, and stuff like that.

People who claim to be above all material things are obnoxious beyond belief. Fine, if you don't want the money, take it and give it to someone needy who isn't a pompous ass monkey. Don't refuse it and leave it to some obviously bloated organization who is willing to shell out a million bucks to someone who can even think of shit like this without getting a headache.

Eh, who cares. You know what I do care about though? Having my very own conjecture. The DILF conjecture. How cool would that be?

Ok, here goes:

The DILF conjecture states that after drinking from 11am one day to 3am the very next day at a bachelor party (this past weekend), simply imagining more drinking will induce vomitting.

Oh wait, I already proved that. Huh... Damn I'm one smart cat.

Nick

Oh Canada!

I know I've mentioned this before, but I always get these emails with job opportunities. At some point in time I got on the contractor mailing list... probably when I was a contractor. I'm not looking for a new job, or to move, but it's always fun to think of what it would be like to take that job and move somewhere else.

The hot wife won't admit it, but she has effectively put the kabash on moving from the holyland boringness that is East Central Wisconsin. She's just way more attached to family than I could ever possibly be. If I was single I'm convinced I would be gone in a heartbeat. I could easily make a nice living travelling from city to city working short contract jobs.

However, I love the hot wife too much to move away from her. So I stay.

But this job I saw today was for Western Canada, and while I've never been out that way, I've heard it's beautiful. And then I thought, hey, there would be a lot of positives to living in Canada. For both us and Canada. Let's break it down.

* Have you ever seen the loser men in Canada? Clearly they are in need of some DILF action. That's where I come in ladies... Or is it laid...ies? Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout.

* Holy hockey.

* They have much bigger deer. I think they call them Moose.

* Better beer. Moosehead, Labatts... others... which I can't think of right now...

* No longer would we live in the most hated nation in the world.

* Doesn't Edmonton have the biggest mall in the world? (a little somethin' for the hot wife)

* Ya know, they speak the same language eh.

* The $4 in my wallet is worth $4.49 in Canada.

* That much closer to two of my fav bloggers AJ and Selina.

Hmmm...

Nick

Me and Castro, and Castro and me, no matter how you roll the dice...

Nick

I'll show you all serious...

Thanks to everyone who chimed in about the purpose and content of my... website. I haven't decided what to do yet, but will take everything said into consideration.

One of the things a few of you mentioned really made me think though. That you appreciate a blog that is varied with goofy content, informational content, and serious content. Or whatever. I've always tried to avoid serious content. Maybe not serious content, but content that can be sad or depressing. Because I always try to avoid sad or depressing things in my life. I don't know why, I just do. I'm a robot. But that made me think, not only about why I started this blog, but also about some things I have been thinking about with regards to having a kid.

I started my first blog in September of '04. In June of that year we were going thru some difficult times. I remember a Friday that June. I woke up feeling pretty good, despite the fact that we were going to put our dog to sleep that weekend. As selfish as it is, I felt like a huge weight was being lifted off our shoulders... it's a whole 'nother story really. But this Friday was not going to be a good one. I got a call just as I was leaving for work. My dad passed away the night before. He had a heart attack in his sleep. He just turned 55 that May.

Now, I don't tell you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I understand that there are people far worse off than me. While I certainly miss my father, and would do anything just for one more conversation with him, it's not like I need him to survive. My physical standing in life is no worse off. But it was no doubt the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Lately it's made me think about my kids and my family though. Am I passing on the best genetics in the world? I just turned 27, so if I live as long as my dad, I'm half way through life. Not a pleasant thought.

Is my son going to miss out because he doesn't have a real grandfather? Sure, my mom has moved on and is getting remarried, but it's not the same. It's not the same for me, and it probably won't be the same for my son.

Let's say I don't make it past 55. How's my son going to remember me? My father was a great man, a great dad, but let's face it, he wasn't Ghandi. He worked the same job for 25 years and once, when I was five, he caught a Northern that was as big as me. He could make things out of wood that I'm quite certain will never break. The hot wife and I have been dancing on the table he made when I was a kid for almost 10 years. Not a single scratch in it. He made our bed... what more do you need? But when I die, I want my son to hear great stories about me. "One time your father saved a village of women and children from a pack of wild Ligers with only his bare hands."

Everything is a lot more simplistic with your parents there for you. I wouldn't be thinking about this shit if my dad were still alive. And I probably wouldn't be blogging. I can't blog to let these types of things out, I can only blog to suppress them and forget about them. Not only can I not go through writing this stuff, I have no desire to subject my readers to it. It's there. But I hope if maybe I can spend my time trying to be a wise ass, I won't have to think about it.

Probably one of these days I'll snap and shoot all my co-workers, but until then, we can laugh a little. Anywho, that's a long winded explanation of why I don't write about serious stuff on my blog. I'm sure you're all like... what the...???

Good.

Nick

Don't come near me...

People. So help me Allah, if you are ever in the presence of moi, and utter these fateful words:

"If you're not doing anything wrong, there's nothing to worry about."

Prepare for the fury that is a round house kick to the face. But don't put your hands up to block it, because that will only make me madder.

Carry on.

Nick

Mason Jennings plug #857

Mason Jennings has just recently announced more tour dates for September and he sure isn't sitting still this fall. Starting in Madison, WI (hopefully we'll be there!) he will also be in IL, OH, PA, Toronto, Boston (B, you better get tickets!!!), Raleigh NC, FL and TX.

Doesn't look like he has any solo shows this time around, which is a bummer. And I'm hoping he switches up the set list a little bit, since we just seen him in Milwaukee recently.

There's nothing booked so far for October, so get tickets if you can to these shows. May be a while before he heads back out on the road again.

And if you still don't know who Mason Jennings is, which I don't know how that would be possible... go here and listen to a few live songs. And then go here and buy a ticket to a show. You won't be disappointed.

Nick

I'm rich bitch!

While we live in a small little town in Central Wisconsin, in the last few years we have gotten some pretty significant exposure for a little strip of land called the Miracle Mile.

It's where dreams come true and people strike gold playing the lottery. Everyone who is anyone knows someone who has won a little bit of cash there. My brother-in-law won thirty some thousand. Two people won jackpots of $19.6 million and $21 million in '90. A junior high school teacher won $111 million in '93. Someone won $6.5 million in '94.

And this past weekend 100 people at a cheese factory pitched in a dollar each and won a jackpot of $209 million. And while each one only gets a mere $650,000, not really enough to retire fat and happy on, I don't think anyone is complaining.

We've always lived with the big lottery in town. We've seen the riches scored, the lives changed, the money flow. And when the jackpots creep up there, we buy, and hope, and dream. And someone always asks, "What would you do if you won?" So... for the next time someone asks... the top 10 things I would do if I won the lottery.

10. Lifetime supply of Jager Bombs
9. Stripper poles in the bedroom... and the kitchen... and garage.
8. Hire a full time cook who specializes in making Taco Bell type healthy food
7. Enter World Series of Poker, go all in every hand, punch Daniel Negreanu in the face
6. Buy out Blogger, disable comments... bwahahaha
5. Start a porn studio
4. Hire hitman to kill Hillary Clinton, pay off cops, jury, judge
3. Move next to Britney and K-Fed, get on K-Fed's next album
2. Buy all the gas I can and dump it in the street. Laugh hysterically.

And the number one thing I would do if I won the lottery:

Develop beer that doesn't make you fat. And then get drunk.

Nick

WOOOOOOO!!!

TODAY'S MY BIRthday WOOOOOOOOO GET NAKED!!!!!!!!

Yay. Me/
Nirthday

What better day for birthday than Monday?

Aren't they cute? I mean... uh, don't come in my house or they'll bite your damn leg off. Yeah.

As is customary in our house, pay no attention to the fact that we can't set the date correctly on our camera...

Nick