Whose fault is it?

Whose fault is it that yesterday as I was trying to leave from work my car wouldnt shift out of park? And yes, I tried to move the steering wheel, and yes, I tried pushing the brake. Turns out that I had a faulty brake light switch, which in case you werent aware, can prevent you from shifting your car from park to reverse (or any other gear).

Did you read that right? I COULDNT SHIFT MY CAR OUT OF PARK!!!

Until yesterday I was not even aware that at any time I may have this problem. Not able to start, yes, I hope it doesnt happen, but I am aware that it can. Burnt out headlights, cracked windshields, broken stereo, I am aware that these can happen, because they have, with my piece of crap car. But not being able to shift out of park is a new one for me.

Did I mention that I couldnt shift my car out of park?

So who is to blame for this? VW? Nah, nothing ever is wrong with Volkswagens. I hate you Volkswagen. I hope whomever gets elected Tuesday taxes you right out of this coutry.
Maybe it was GWB? Afterall, he did get blamed for those nasty hurricanes that hit Florida this year. Its plausible that one of his policies is to blame for my faulty brake light switch that prevented me from shifting my car out of park.

Maybe it was bin Laden. Coincidence that his tape came out on the same day as my car wouldnt shift out of park? Probably...

Well folks, someone is to blame, but rest assured I will not sleep correctly until the problem is fixed. No one will have to sit in a car that wont shift out of park. No one.

Off to write the VW shiznits...

peace and vw
nick

Guys are dumb

Yup, Ive already been thru how women are complicated, the natural progression is... onto how men are dumb. Most men.... are really dumb. Ive always had this great idea of how I was going to write a book, basically an idiots guide to women. Not because I know women, I dont, but because I know guys.

We'll call the first chapter - Everyone knows all you want to do is get laid, you dont tell the woman that you f'ing moron. Maybe its the women who are morons. Who falls for this crap? Hey - I dont want a relationship, I only want sex from you. Gee, yeah, ok, I have no self esteem, what the hell...

Second chapter. Dont touch, pour water on, try to get into bed or ditch for someone else the girl you are on a first date with. One would hope some of these things would be no brainers, but apparently some of my fellow men cannot grasp the simple concepts of personal space and basic manners.

Third chapter. Everyone knows all you want to do is get laid, you dont tell the woman that you f'ing moron. Oh wait, that was chapter one. Oh well, its important enough to go thru again. And again and again and again until you understand how important this is.

I hate stereotypes, but I have to admit, if I were a woman I would be a lesbian. Not because I like women now, or a woman, but because men are just dumb. At least most of the half way decent looking ones are.

I think the problem is that way back in grade school the guys were split into basically two groups. One group was the normal looking, athletic boys, and the other group was the nerdy looking, well, nerds. Well the nerds never get any exposure to women, so they end inexperienced and, well, nerdy. The jocks turn into idiots. This is a long process, and I dont have time to go thru it all, but trust me, thats what happens. Those who can manage to either escape both groups, or live amongst both groups turn out to be the winners. Unfortunately for women, there arent many.

So, we're left to educate the rest. Its a tough job, and a thankless one, but hey, Im used to it. You're welcome. Off to start my book...

peacenick

Let us self-reflect

A conversation the other night has led me into a period of self-reflection, in which Ive tried to think about my good and bad qualities. I feel like a dork for doing this, but maybe it will help to write them down. And what better place than my beloved blog that no one reads... Here goes.

Bad qualities:

1. Im anti-social. Its not that I dont like people. Wait, yes it is....

2. Im too opinionated. You're wrong, Im right... maybe this isnt a fault afterall.

3. Im overly sexually motivated. I know what you're thinking... what guy isnt? Lets just say its more of an obsessive compulsive disorder for me.

4. Im not a good communicator. I tend to keep things bottled up, which usually leads to temporary insanity, which leads to me killing another one of my neighbors and burying them in my backyard. Just kidding, just making sure you're still awake...

Ok, good qualities:

1. Im nice, in person. I think I was brought up to have good manners and treat people with respect. Yup, Im nice. Real nice. Really really nice.

2. I like animals. Yup, Im a sucker.

3. Im mellow. I guess this could go into either category, depending on the situation. But I like a more laid back personality, so its a good quality to me.

4. Im original. What? Havent you been paying attention this whole time?

Ok, so that was, uh, therapeutic. I guess the bad qualities win in significance. Oh well, at least I can use this incredibly cool blog to pass my insecurities and flaws off on others. I need a beer.

peacenick