Monday, September 11, 2006

We have truckloads of sex... in my dreams...

* There has been no spoken word about the concert last week because there was no concert last week. Well, there was, but we didn’t make it. I'll just say, something came up. It happens. It's not all that disappointing though because we just seen him this summer, but I realize I talked it up like the second coming, or as if my soon to be born son had just spoken his first words. Which I hope contain "shocker" or "boobies" or something similar. No, not shocker, like - oh my god, Britney and Madonna just totally made out on stage. The other shocker.

* Did you know today is only two months until our due date? It seems like only last weekend we were having truckloads of sex, trying to get pregnant. Wait... maybe that was my dream last night...

* I learned a very important cooking lesson yesterday. Don't use chili peppers. Being the ignorant fool that I am, and the complete moron I am when it comes to cooking, I agreed to use some chili peppers that my friends gave me in our chili yesterday. It's customary to make chili for the first Packer game of the season. Which proved to be the only positive of the sad day. Anyways, so I'm cutting up these chili peppers right? And I don't use gloves, because, well, I'm stupid. And then I'm thinking, holy crap, this stuff is hot. I can feel it burning my face just standing above it, cutting it up. So, I'm done cutting and touching, I toss the pepper into the chili and go to the sink to wash my hands. And then I do the unthinkable, because, well, I'm stupid. I think, hey, my face is hot and burning, I'll splash some cold water on it... with the hands that were just cutting up a chili pepper.

At this point I really felt no mercy for the Crocodile Hunter taking a stingray barb to the heart. I would have thought long and hard about switching places with him. I've never been pepper sprayed before but I would venture a guess that what I experienced yesterday was 8 trillion times worse. I would imagine that they tame those f'ing peppers down a touch before creating the pepper spray concoction. If not, then that shit is cruel and unusual punishment.

* Can you believe that come this Thursday the hot wife and I will have been married four years? I guess that's easier to believe than the fact that come January, we'll have been together for ten. I don't like to toot out own horn, but I would say in the days of mass divorce and infidelity, this is actually pretty impressive.

* Don't waste your time with the movie The Benchwarmers. It's dumb. Unless you have young kids, then it might not be so bad. For them. Of course, if you have kids, you're probably used to watching stupid movies, so maybe it won't be so bad for your either.

* I don't know what is creepier. People who actually do search DILF on the internet, or people who search DILF and then click on my picture. It makes me wonder though, do they look at my pic and then think, "What? Is this guy kidding?" Or do they think, "mmm... yummmy..." I wonder if any of the DILF searchers would be so kind to tell me what they think...

Nick

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