How much is that doggie in the window? $400.

I got an email from a friend of mine this morning. His co-worker bought a yellow lab because his wife wanted a puppy. At this point I stopped reading, took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. I could see where the email was going. Just as the sun rises in the east every morning, the email went on... he wants to sell the dog now because, so as it turns out, puppies actually take training, and patience, and well, you know...

"I figured being the dog person you are, you would know a website or something where he could unload the dog quickly. For $400."

I replied - "I have a crate he could borrow. It doesn't take much to train a dog not to crap in the house."

He writes back and says - blah blah blah, they just got married this year, blah blah blah, only dated for a year, blah blah blah, she won't have any of it. The dog must go.

"Oh, well then the problem is not the dog. Tell him to keep the dog. And sell the wife."

One day cavemen are dragging women around by their hair, next thing you know, the women are telling us to get rid of the dog? If this is evolution, sign me up for the whole God thing. So I can curse the bitch. Bitch.

I would like to think this is an isolated incident, but it's not. I have a friend who just got married this past weekend. A few weeks ago, I asked what he was up to that night, and he told me was playing his last poker game.

"Why, because you suck and never win any money?"

"No, I'm sure after the wedding the wife will find a way to put a stop to it."

I stumbled backwards, gasping for air and watched helplessly as his soul, his dignity, his balls, drifted from his body and disappeared in thin air. No... it can't be... not a man's poker night... Bitch.

This? This is the status of mankind as we know it? Reduced to taking orders from our wives like children? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not advocating the shoe being on the other foot. There are plenty of women who take way too much crap from men as well.

Why? Why do people allow their lives to be run like this? Like they are puppets on a string? Do they lack the self-esteem to look their masters in the eye and say, "F&*% you bitch, I am going to play poker tonight. Mind your own damn business."???

I could see if you're a bum, and you sit around playing vids all day while you're wife is out in the real world supporting your bum ass. Then it's probably best you do bow down and take orders. But if you work an honest job, make an honest living, do your part around the house, how on earth do you let someone control you like this?

The hot wife and I have always joked that we are going to offer marriage counseling to people. I'm starting to think we could actually pull it off and make a decent living, because there are couples out there that need some serious help.

My first piece of advice would be - you are both adults, and you should be able to function in life without the constant supervision and/or nagging of your significant other. If you can't than what you really need is a full time caretaker. There should be a difference.

My second piece of advice would be - when you go to jail, the first thing you do is kick someone's ass. If you don't you're going to end up someone's bitch. That doesn't really apply to relationships very well, but it's good advice nonetheless.

Nick