Just because your kid's a pussy...

This past summer I went to watch my nephew's baseball game. He was playing our friend's boy's team and we sat together in the stands. Somewhat through the game, as one team was being thoroughly humiliated, I looked over to their bench. The only two watching the game were the coaches. The kids we jumping on the benches, hanging from the rafters of the dugout, running around, doing anything but paying attention to what was going on and learning from the ass whooping their team was getting. I commented to my friend, who has coached in different sports, that it was disgusting to watch. I said I would not only not put up with it, the kids would be running laps until the bottoms of their shoes wore out if they acted like that on my team. Discipline, I said, was the key to learning. It's something I believe in strongly.

"You can’t discipline someone else's kids, they'd make sure you never coach again. We don't even keep score anymore, because some kids can be 'hurt' if the lose."

I thought about that. It couldn't possibly be true. Are we so afraid of hurting our kid's feelings, that we can't even tell them that they lost the game? That they were not as good as the other team?

"It's ok honey, you did your best, we'll go get some ice cream, and you can go home and watch cartoons."

What are you going to tell me next, we aren't going to let kids play tag, for fear they will get hurt? That's exactly what you would tell me. Because it's true.

"Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable."

"Recess is 'a time when accidents can happen,' said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban."

Can you just imagine this old hag? If I was a parent, and my kid went to this school, I would punch this bitch right in the face.

"Elementary schools in Cheyenne, Wyo., and Spokane, Wash., also recently banned tag during recess. A suburban Charleston, S.C., school outlawed all unsupervised contact sports."

"Another Willett parent, Celeste D'Elia, said her son feels safer because of the rule. 'I've witnessed enough near collisions,' she said."

Good lord. This is the world our kids are supposed to grow up in? Not only can we not discipline them or let them know their team sucks ass, because we might hurt their feelings... We can't let them fucking play tag, because there might be a near collision?

How? How did we possibly come to this point. We're talking about parents who grew up in the 70s and 80s for the most part. How the hell did we live in that era and become such ninnies with our kids? When I went to school we played on gravel. And there were chain link fences that kids would get caught in. And we played TACKLE FUCKING FOOTBALL! And smear the queer. Now they can't even play TAG???? Touch football is too dangerous??!?!?

I'm not fit to be a parent. I'm just not. Can you just imagine the looks I will get when my fucking kid is the only one NOT wearing a helmet when he's riding his bike? I'm going to be crucified by these people. How dare I put my child in such danger!

I vow the following, crucify at will:

To not make my kid wear a helmet, unless he's playing hockey.
To smack my kid upside the head when he's being an asshole.
To not let my kid watch cartoons past five years old.
To tell him his team lost when they lose.

Somewhere in the last 20 years we became a bunch of pussies. I'm almost ashamed that I would bring someone into the world where they have to deal with people like Principal Gaylene Heppe or parent Celeste D'Elia.

"Recess is a time when accidents can happen."

If I ever say something so stupid, just kill me on the spot.

Nick