Do you know the real me? I mean, do you?

Maybe it's because I'm not cliquey enough, or just because despite reading my blog, no one likes me. But I never get tagged for those meme things. And there has always been one question I would have liked to answer, but have never gotten the chance. There was a meme floating around some time ago that asked if you thought your readers had an accurate depiction of the real you, based from your blog.

Since I never got that one thrown my way, I will answer it on my own. Because I'm independent like that... I don't need you people telling me what to do. Well, the answer is no. I don't think you guys know the real me based from my blog.

A lot of people I read are great writers. From childhood, they've aspired to be writers, and it shows. I've never been that person. While I think it would be cool to be a writer, I just don't have it in me. I'm a shitty writer. Boo hoo. And I think that leads to people having a distorted view of who I really am. And then they think I'm crass, I want to beat my kids, I'm a dead nuts Fox News watching conservative, womanizing, drunk and druggie.

True, I may be some of those things, but not in the way you might think from reading my blog. For instance, I'm only a womanizer when I'm drunk. And I'm only a drunk when the hot wife lets me out for a couple of hours to play poker with my friends. And there are no women when we play poker... which is why she lets me go. She's awesome like that. Hi honey!

I wish I was a better writer. But after 2 years of writing in a blog, I have to come to the realization that I'm just not someone who can draw in the huge crowds and become famous, and then make a middle to upper class living on Gooooooogle ads.

But just because I'm a shitty writer, doesn't mean you all need to have the distorted view of me that you obviously do. Or you wouldn't say things like "I hope you jump off a bridge and your parachute doesn't open." Not that anyone has said that to me, but if you knew me, you would know there's no way I would parachute off anything unless I absolutely had to. I'm afraid of anything over 10 feet in the air, remember?

Maybe some time we could have a question and answer period, and you could all ask me questions about me, like, "what's your favorite poker hand?" (A8) or maybe, "how did your wife possibly fall in love with a jackass like you?", (drugs), then I could have the opportunity to set the record straight. Maybe. Or maybe my shitty writing style would just make the problem worse.

I should probably just stick to super-imposing myself in pictures of large sorority girls on the beach huh?

"what's super-impose?"

$5 for anyone who guesses correctly where that quote comes from.

Nick