Yeah the world would swing if I were king...
I read this pretty interesting news story the other day about this King Mswati III, from Swaziland in Africa. Everytime this king wants to pick a new wife (of which he has many apparently) he has all these virgins dance practically naked for him, and he just takes his pick from them. Recently he had one of these dances and over 50,000 potential brides showed up to hopefully be plucked from a life of misery and poverty, and become one of his wives.
How fricken cool is this? Could you imagine? You say you want a wife, and 50,000 women show up to dance for you, and you just walk out there and take your pick???
I will bring absolute monarchy to the US. I will be king dammit. And when I am, things will be better around here.
Now, since I like to do top 10s, here are 10 ways that the United States would be better were I king...
10. No one shall work on their birthday.
9. I will summon all the global warming experts... we need to warm this crap hole up a little bit...
8. We will finally annex Canada and Mexico. I'm sick of drinking watered down Labatts and Corona dammit... And some bull fighting would be cool too...
7. Our national sport will be roller derby. Baseball will be banned. It's f-ing boring and corrupt. Wrestling will also be banned... NASCAR will only be allowed in Arkansas, and it shall not be televised.
6. Every Tuesday, all criminals will plead their case before me. If I like them, they will live. If not, they will be shot. Child molestors and rapists will be buried alive.
5. Good porn will be a standard part of every cable package. No more of this paying $14.95 to rent garbage.
4. Smoking will be illegal. Anyone caught smoking will have to smoke 3 cartons worth of cigarettes in a row. Cigars are ok only while playing poker.
3. There will be no maximum speed limit. The minimum will be 50mph. If you can't keep up, ride a bike.
2. Mini skirts will be mandatory for women.
And the #1 reason the United States will be a better place when I am king....
FREE BEER FRIDAYS!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!
I rock...
peace nick
How fricken cool is this? Could you imagine? You say you want a wife, and 50,000 women show up to dance for you, and you just walk out there and take your pick???
I will bring absolute monarchy to the US. I will be king dammit. And when I am, things will be better around here.
Now, since I like to do top 10s, here are 10 ways that the United States would be better were I king...
10. No one shall work on their birthday.
9. I will summon all the global warming experts... we need to warm this crap hole up a little bit...
8. We will finally annex Canada and Mexico. I'm sick of drinking watered down Labatts and Corona dammit... And some bull fighting would be cool too...
7. Our national sport will be roller derby. Baseball will be banned. It's f-ing boring and corrupt. Wrestling will also be banned... NASCAR will only be allowed in Arkansas, and it shall not be televised.
6. Every Tuesday, all criminals will plead their case before me. If I like them, they will live. If not, they will be shot. Child molestors and rapists will be buried alive.
5. Good porn will be a standard part of every cable package. No more of this paying $14.95 to rent garbage.
4. Smoking will be illegal. Anyone caught smoking will have to smoke 3 cartons worth of cigarettes in a row. Cigars are ok only while playing poker.
3. There will be no maximum speed limit. The minimum will be 50mph. If you can't keep up, ride a bike.
2. Mini skirts will be mandatory for women.
And the #1 reason the United States will be a better place when I am king....
FREE BEER FRIDAYS!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!
I rock...
peace nick
posted by Nick at
12:58 PM
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