What kind of person...

One of the things necessary to be a really good poker player is the ability to "read" people. Observe their actions, facial movements, breathing, yadda yadda yadda. Luckily for me, I have mastered the art of reading people. You don't think I know what you are all thinking as you read this, but I do. Oh, I do. Bastards...

One of the easiest ways to read someone is something we do all the time, without even realizing the endless opportunities. Simply walk past them. See, people give away lots of signs as they walk past another person, and one can use these signs to learn everything they need to know about that person. Observe.

One group of people will not even acknowledge another as they walk past. These are stuck up ass monkeys. Usually mean old ladies. The Hillary Clinton type. What kind of person doesn't even acknowledge someone as they walk past? Are you too damn good for us? Look at me dammit!!!!

Some people, just as bad in my opinion, will talk on their cell phone as they walk past. Or worse yet, just look at it, as if searching thru the endless menus trying to figure out why the last missed call doesn't show up in the missed calls menu. I don't live in a big enough city for people to be looking at their blackberries, but watch out for these as well. Either way, what you can tell about these people is they have no social skills. They don't know how to be a stuck up ass hat, but they don't quite know how to socialize with others either. Instead they bury themselves in modern day technology. These are also people who date online and email instead of call when they sit right fricken next to you at work. I'm sitting right here dammit!! F$%&!

A peculiar group are those who just give the look/smile. An acknowledgement of your existence, but leaves you wondering... Are they smiling because I look funny? Is my hair messed up? My zipper down? Are they deaf? Why didn't they just say hi? Maybe they just had sex and are trying to exert some weird subliminal ESP gloat over me... This is the toughest group to read.

Moving up from the look/smile is the look/nod. Typically performed by men, this can also be done from a distance. Generally translates to "s'up?" This is as good as it gets for some.

Then there is the quite "hi" or the silent/mouthed "hi". These people are generally lacking in self-confidence. Perhaps victims of abusive relationships.

The fake "hi". When someone winces, or turns their head and says "hi", it's fake. They don't want to appear like a stuck up ass donkey, but deep down they are. Avoid these people. Typically executives and other rich types. Jack asses.

The normal "hi". Generally accompanied by eye contact and a warm smile. While dwindling in popularity the normal "hi" indicates the person is normal and means well. These are typically family-oriented, younger people. Perhaps lower-middle class. Probably drive VWs and have young children.

The over-exhuberant "hi". See fake "hi". Could also be stuck up ass monkeys trying to exert weird subliminal ESP gloat. A potentially lethal combination.

It's really not hard to read people using these brilliantly thought out criterion. Give it a try and let me know how it works out for you. And remember, stay away from the non-acknowledging ass crappers.

Nick