Would the real Nick please stand up?
I love horoscopes. Mine today starts like this - When it comes to relationships, what you're offering is like gold.
You damn fo schizzle it is. It's about time someone saw it my way...
Anyways, so we got to meet Amy's friend's new bf this weekend. Nice guy. But the situation is not without it's issues, which I felt the need to address in a letter to him. Let me know what you think...
Dear Nick,
It was great to finally meet you this weekend, after hearing so many good things about you. I'm glad to see you are making XXX (Amy's friend) happy so far, she deserves a nice guy like you. I especially liked how you pretended to be interested in the Packer game yesterday, despite being a card carrying Minnesota Vikings fan... you stupid, mutha fuc... uh, nevermind that for now. There are a few other things that I felt we should address, mano e mano...
1. There was a point in time, Nick, when I sat on the other side of a picnic table at the fair, and listened to my drunk wife and your drunk girlfriend talk about making out with each other. No, I'm not lying. They promised me this would happen on some future date. Now that you are in the picture, it's a sure bet that it won't. And I feel that I should be compensated for this. I will accept an all-expense-paid trip to a strip club of our mutual choosing, with an all-expense-paid lap dance from two kissing strippers. You're free to watch from a distance of no less than 15 feet.
2. You will be referred to you from now on as Dan. Nick is already taken. By me. Don't f-ing tread on my shit, you little bitch... I mean, Dan...
3. I order you to quit opening the door for your girlfriend. For God's sakes, what are you, 17? I suppose next thing you know, you are going to be holding her hand in public. I already seen you playing with her hair... I don't know what you are trying to pull here... but you know how these women talk... We have to be a little more congruent in our efforts if this is going to work out my man...
Don't forget Dan, I've been here for, like, 9 years or something. I'm a trusted playa in the game, and I can sabotage your shit faster than you can say Daunte Culpepper sucks. A couple of well placed comments about you trying to grab the bartender over by the bathroom, and it's over for you... O. V. E. R.
Great. Glad we could have this talk. Good luck man... we'll see ya soon.
peace nick
You damn fo schizzle it is. It's about time someone saw it my way...
Anyways, so we got to meet Amy's friend's new bf this weekend. Nice guy. But the situation is not without it's issues, which I felt the need to address in a letter to him. Let me know what you think...
Dear Nick,
It was great to finally meet you this weekend, after hearing so many good things about you. I'm glad to see you are making XXX (Amy's friend) happy so far, she deserves a nice guy like you. I especially liked how you pretended to be interested in the Packer game yesterday, despite being a card carrying Minnesota Vikings fan... you stupid, mutha fuc... uh, nevermind that for now. There are a few other things that I felt we should address, mano e mano...
1. There was a point in time, Nick, when I sat on the other side of a picnic table at the fair, and listened to my drunk wife and your drunk girlfriend talk about making out with each other. No, I'm not lying. They promised me this would happen on some future date. Now that you are in the picture, it's a sure bet that it won't. And I feel that I should be compensated for this. I will accept an all-expense-paid trip to a strip club of our mutual choosing, with an all-expense-paid lap dance from two kissing strippers. You're free to watch from a distance of no less than 15 feet.
2. You will be referred to you from now on as Dan. Nick is already taken. By me. Don't f-ing tread on my shit, you little bitch... I mean, Dan...
3. I order you to quit opening the door for your girlfriend. For God's sakes, what are you, 17? I suppose next thing you know, you are going to be holding her hand in public. I already seen you playing with her hair... I don't know what you are trying to pull here... but you know how these women talk... We have to be a little more congruent in our efforts if this is going to work out my man...
Don't forget Dan, I've been here for, like, 9 years or something. I'm a trusted playa in the game, and I can sabotage your shit faster than you can say Daunte Culpepper sucks. A couple of well placed comments about you trying to grab the bartender over by the bathroom, and it's over for you... O. V. E. R.
Great. Glad we could have this talk. Good luck man... we'll see ya soon.
peace nick
posted by Nick at
12:44 PM
3 Comments:
#1 is perfectly acceptable. It's only fair.
She's predicting marriage :)
You hit many nails right on the head!
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