Give me dignity, or give me death...
I'm not one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. There are a lot of things in my life that have happened, and I see absolutely no reason for them happening. But I truly do believe that there is a reason for us having a boy.
Sure, if we had a girl, there would be things that I could teach her. Like how to round house kick some pervert to the face. Or how to tie her shoes. Things of that nature. But I believe that my true calling in life is to teach my son how women work. Because let's face it, after almost 10 years of being with the hot wife, I've acquired an unrivaled database of knowledge about women. Sure, some men think they know it all because they have been with various women for varying amounts of time. But only after you have truly gained the trust of a woman, and lived with them, do you truly understand how a woman's mind works...
Fast forward 5 years...
"Son, there are some things that you need to understand about girls. Clearly you are a good looking kid, and I'm sure all the girls at school are madly in love with you. But don't waste your time with relationships with them. Let's just focus on your hockey until you're... 28... 29....
See Braeden, you go getting messed up with some chick, and the next thing you know you're waking up married, 26 years old with a kid on the way, you've been thinking you're decent looking guy that at least some women are thinking they would be lucky to have... when in reality, you're 15 pounds overweight, you're working a go nowhere job in some cube farm and you know what the worst part is kid? You don't even make your wife's top 5 hottest guys... Not even number 5."
"Did you make Mom's list of top 5 hottest guys?"
"F$%& no kid. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Girls are just going to steal your heart. And when they've ripped that from your pathetic body, then they steal all your money. And just when you think you've got nothing left to steal, they go and steal what little dignity you had left."
"I didn’t make Mom's list of top 5 hottest guys either..."
"See, now that's wrong... C'mon kid, let's go grab a beer."
Nick
Sure, if we had a girl, there would be things that I could teach her. Like how to round house kick some pervert to the face. Or how to tie her shoes. Things of that nature. But I believe that my true calling in life is to teach my son how women work. Because let's face it, after almost 10 years of being with the hot wife, I've acquired an unrivaled database of knowledge about women. Sure, some men think they know it all because they have been with various women for varying amounts of time. But only after you have truly gained the trust of a woman, and lived with them, do you truly understand how a woman's mind works...
Fast forward 5 years...
"Son, there are some things that you need to understand about girls. Clearly you are a good looking kid, and I'm sure all the girls at school are madly in love with you. But don't waste your time with relationships with them. Let's just focus on your hockey until you're... 28... 29....
See Braeden, you go getting messed up with some chick, and the next thing you know you're waking up married, 26 years old with a kid on the way, you've been thinking you're decent looking guy that at least some women are thinking they would be lucky to have... when in reality, you're 15 pounds overweight, you're working a go nowhere job in some cube farm and you know what the worst part is kid? You don't even make your wife's top 5 hottest guys... Not even number 5."
"Did you make Mom's list of top 5 hottest guys?"
"F$%& no kid. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Girls are just going to steal your heart. And when they've ripped that from your pathetic body, then they steal all your money. And just when you think you've got nothing left to steal, they go and steal what little dignity you had left."
"I didn’t make Mom's list of top 5 hottest guys either..."
"See, now that's wrong... C'mon kid, let's go grab a beer."
Nick
posted by Nick at
12:09 PM
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