I wanna be a cowboy, you can be my cowgirl...

Last night as we were driving home from dinner at my mother's house, we passed some horses off in the fields.

hot wife - "I can't ride a horse for another year."

me - "You can ride a horse, you just can't fall off a horse."

hot wife - "No, you're not supposed to ride a horse when your pregnant. It's too bumpy."

So sex is ok when your pregnant, but riding a horse is too bumpy? Does that mean she shouldn't be on top and I should not do the wild thrashing and horse noises that she has oh so loved to this point?

Have you ever watched a porn, or just two people having sex (if you're that freaky), and the guy is going at it so hard that you just think to yourself, "that mustn't feel good for her..." Or him (if you're that freaky). Don't get me wrong, I understand that at some points during sex, emotions take over and you can do some pretty crazy stuff... I was even bitten one time.

That's right. Bitten.

But to go at it with such force as to cause shortening of the spine on your partner is one thing I have never quite understood. I guess you have to dig back into the genetics of aggressive apes or something to understand why men do some of the things they do... Of course, when you watch porn, you are not exactly watching the cream of the crop as far as men go. Which is another thing I have never fully understood. Where do they get the men that are featured in porn? Homeless shelters? Some of them are down right nasty. It's tiring holding your hand up to block one half of the tv all the time.

I wouldn't want to be in porn, actually having sex. But ya know... I wouldn't mind being the weird guy off in the corner watching though. He's always so mysterious. You see him, and you're like, "who the hell is that guy?" Then you feel pretty sad, because you're not watching people have sex anymore. You're watching someone who is watching people have sex.

That is sad.

Nick