I'm not gay because I don't know any gay people...

Students at Port Washington High School in Wisconsin were recently given a questionaire that the Students for Unity made up as part of some stupid Day of Silence bullshit. I guess people refuse to talk throughout the day to show support for people who are afraid to come clean about their sexual preferences. Hey, I already came clean about mine...


So, I decided, I'm comfortable with my sexuality, I'll give the quiz a shot.

Question 1 - What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

Wait, what? Uh, I guess I like women. A lot. Aren't gay people always saying we are born with our sexuality already engrained in our dna? Weird question.

Question 2 - When did you decide you were heterosexual?

When I was five, I kissed my neighbor. And liked it. I guess right about then.

Question 3 - Could it be that your heterosexuality is just a phase?

Well, Im bi. So yes.

Question 4 - To whom have you disclosed your heterosexuality? How did they react?

Oh yeah, I just go around telling everyone. They all react the same way... "get the hell away from me!"

Question 5 - If you have never slept with someone of your same gender, then how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?

I haven't slept with any old ladies either. I'm pretty sure I don't prefer that though. I dunno... it's just a guess I suppose.

Question 6 - Is it likely that you have (sic) just haven't met the right same gender partner yet?

I don't know any gay people, so yes, that's a possibility.

Question 7 - Why do you flaunt your lifestyle with wedding rings, photos at work, and talk of your heterosexual escapades?

Just to piss gay people off. Really. I swear.

Question 8 - Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to come on to me, but why do so many heterosexuals try to seduce others to their orientation?

Come the f$&% on. Heterosexuals try to "seduce" others to their orientation? With wedding rings? Hmm... I guess because we're so sad you're having all the fun, and we want you to be miserable. Like us. Heteros.

Question 9 - Considering the battering, abuse, and divorce rate associated with heterosexual coupling, why would you want to enter into that kind of relationship?

I guess for the same reason I want to drive, despite all the horrible accidents associated with cars...

Question 10 - Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

I guess just to flaunt our lifestyles...

How tiring. And selfish.

Nick