Terrorism and poop...

all in one post. I hope you are sitting down.

First, this story. I know you are probably too lazy to click the link and read it, so I will sum it up. Yahoo! News is reporting that Islamic terrorists in Iraq, the uh... Islamic Army (how original) are now threatening to strike the United States, in the United States.

First of all... when the hell did our own news media become the voice of islamic terrorism? And why? They will say, "we are just doing our jobs, we are robots, and have no ability to seperate real news from the nonsense babble on some terrorist website". No, morons, broadcasting the message of people whose only desire in life is to KILL us is not your job. If you pretend these whackos do not exist, they will go away. Promise.

Secondly... what the hell are they waiting for? I dont mean to sound twisted and all, but c'mon... Islamic terrorists have struck the US twice in about a dozen years. Thats not a real effective attack strategy if your goal is to bring down the infidel motherland.

Finally... I dont believe any of these groups have the resources to strike the US. If they did, they would have done it by now, and would keep doing it. But even if they did, or they do in the future, I think the next strike by Islamic terrorists will bring a backlash against people of Middle Eastern descent so swift and brutal, most will have no choice but to live in fear for their lives at all times. I dont like stereotypes, but this country is full of people who do, and Middle Eastern people dont exactly blend in real well.

For what its worth oh dear Islamic Army of Iraq... I think you would be doing the cause a great disservice by coming over here to blow crap up... Dont say I didnt warn you...

***

And now, the poop part of the post. This past weekend I was informed of something that I previously was not aware of. Regarding women. And pooping. In fact, I found it so unbelievable... that I just cant resist writing about it here...

It seems, as I was informed of by a reputable insider, that ya'll women are... how should I phrase this.... incapable of properly using the restroom (namely, pooping) within ear shot of other women...

I cant possibly imagine this to be true, but if it is... I have some news that will be greatly comforting to the female members of the reading audience...

WE ALL POOP! Seriously...

I poop. You, the reader, poop... all women, I assure you, poop. And most of us living in civilized parts of the world, poop in the bathroom.

So please, do us all a favor, and just poop.

Sometimes it will not smell all that great, and sometimes it makes little splashy sounds... dont worry, all natural occurences...

And if you come out of the stall, and there is another woman staring you down, unable to comprehend what you have just done in the bathroom... just say,

"was that a great poop or what?"

Guaranteed they will never, ever, question it again.

You're welcome ladies....

peace nick