Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Lucky!

Here's an interesting story. Since you're probably too lazy to click thru to read it, I'll summarize.

Twin sisters, 29, buy a disposable camera. They take various pictures. In some they are topless. In some they are wearing underwear or undressing. In some there is a 5 year old boy.

Penny Crane, one of the sisters, told police that her sister bought the camera with the intention of taking pictures of them in their lingerie. She stated that the 5 year old was running thru the house when the pictures were being taken, and she didn't know he was in the picture(s).

Let me stop right there for a minute. A disposable camera? Topless pictures? Earth to Penny!

Continuing...

Police later questioned the 5 year old boy, who stated that he saw the women in various stages of undress.

$5 to anyone who can tell me what the hell is wrong with this story. Screw it, I'll tell you...

I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO SEE TWINS IN VARIOUS STAGES OF UNDRESS, AND I'M 27!!!

This little shit is 5, and he's gotten to see twins in various stages of undress! I didn't get to see a girl (now my wife) in various stages of undress in real person until I was 17! For those who are not real good at comprehending simple sentences, that means I've only seen one woman in various stages of undress (not counting strippers). One. And I'm 27. He's 5. Two. Women. In various stages of undress. Twins. TWINS!

To those who make that smartass comment that life isn't fair, I say, you got that damn straight...

Nick

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Art of the week

What do you get when you cross some urban graffiti artists, a fancy laptop, an illegal laser beam and a high power projector? Well, take a look for yourself.



And then head over to the Graffiti Research Lab website and see what else they are up to.

Nick

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Artist of the week

This week's artist of the week is one that admittedly I have not listened to much of, but I plan to obtain some more of his music in the future. Jeremy Fisher is a Canadian musician that has a sound that makes you wonder, "where have I heard that song before?" Not that he sounds like a lot of other musicians, his music just seems to have that familiar sound to it. In a good way. It's a little bluesy, folky and rocky all wrapped up in one.

His new album just came out this month and he is busy touring, so check him out if he comes near ya. And then go to his website and buy some stuff, or listen to a few songs.

btw - his website is one of the worst I've seen. You have to click the stupid flower thing on the left side of the page, and then navigate the different pages by moving your mouse over the petals. At least that's what I had to do in IE. May be different with Firefox. Either way, is it too much to ask to just have a straight forward website and skip all this flash player bullshit? Guess so.

Cigarette - Jeremy Fisher
Scar that never heals - Jeremy Fisher

Nick

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

The wizard has spoken...

I'll answer the quiz questions now, because I have some time, but if you haven't answered yet and want to, please do :)

1. No.

2. I actually ate 4 tacos.

3. Yes, I am mad at her. I told her like a month in advance, and I know it would have been a great date for her and T :) And yes, I should tell her about the Mason Jennings concert. Or she could go to masonjennings.com and check it out herself :)

4. Yes, I do. And I don't care what dawn or her like-minded, incest-loving cronies on her blog say! You will never take me alive!!!

5. No, political blogs are boring, although I think I could make it interesting :) Scratch that, I know I could make it interesting.

6. If you came to our wonderful city, we would go out to our favorite hang out bar, the Colosseum, shoot some darts, drink a lot of Jaeger bombs and then go back to our house and have sex.

7. I don't regularly volunteer as much as I used to, but I do volunteer for Wisconsin Rottweiler Rescue from time to time. I did submit a volunteer application to the humane society but they apparently don't like me there. They never got back to me after three weeks, and when I emailed them they played dumb and unorganized.

8. Tough question isn't it? I really don't know what I would do. I was hoping someone would say something, and I could say, "yeah, thats what I would do!"

9. I'd hang out with Adam Sandler because I picture him living much like he did in Billy Madison. And hanging out by the pool all day, drinking and looking at nudie mags sounds like a jolly good time.

10. I'll answer the questions others have posed to me:
C asked: If you had to pick one US President dead or alive to have sex with whom would it be?

I'd have sex with JFK. He's the best looking President by a long shot, and I would guess there's a chance I'd probably get to see Marilyn Monroe or Jackie O. naked. And besides, he was Catholic and we all know Catholic men like to do other men (or boys) in the rear... He was probably pretty good at it.

Stephanie asked: Do you make fun of, or think less of, fat people?

I did when I was younger and less mature, but I have a little better grasp on life now. I think all people are beautiful in their own way, regardless of their outside appearance. So, no, I neither make fun of or think less of fat people. Besides, not like I've got a six pack or anything resembling one kickin' over here :)

hot wife inquires: If I came home with a bad haircut, would you tell me?

Probably not. If you said it was bad, I might not disagree, but I know better than to tell the truth in that situation.

As far as getting the address for our other blog, I told you how you can get it. You can email me and ask for it :) I will not post it to this blog or it would compromise our anonymity. I don't know why you would want that, but it's not going to happen.

Nick

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Hump Day Quiz time!!!

Happy hump day! Remember, do it 'til it hurts. And then do this quiz.

1. Do you think burning the American flag should be a crime?

2. We went out for tacos last night. How many did I eat?

3. Are you mad at b for missing the Garrison Starr/Amy Correia concert? (the correct answer is yes) Do you think I should tell her that there is a Mason Jennings concert coming up near her, or do you think she would blow that one off too?

4. Do you think consensual adult incest should be regulated by the government?

5. If I decided to change my blog to a purely political blog, would you continue to read?

6. If the hot wife and I decided to travel to your city, how would you show us a good time? hot wife, if you answer, how would you show someone else a good time in our city?

7. Do you volunteer your time regularly? If so, how and where?

8. You discover a used condom in your 13 year old kid's room and they admit they're having sex with their bf/gf. How do you handle the situation?

9. You get to spend a day with one person, dead or alive, you've never met and is not related to you in any way. Who is it?

10. You get one question, and one question only to ask me, and I must answer it honestly. What is it?

Nick

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Art? of the week

Some people claim that Jesus walked on water. Another lie propagated by them silly religious folk. What he actually did was mix corn starch and water to make oobleck, a non-newtonian fluid. Duh... Wikipedia describes non-newtonian fluid as a fluid in which the viscosity changes with the applied stress rate. In other words, when you apply rapid stress, the fluid acts more like a solid. When you apply gradual stress, it acts more like a liquid.

Observe...



Neat stuff huh? If you want to see how it's done, and get some cool ideas for a science project to do with the kiddies, check this video out.



Nick

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Mixed bag Monday

* I'm a little scatter-brained today, so play along. Lot's of things to cover from the weekend and such.

* I played two poker tournaments this weekend and again, didn't do as well as I would have liked. I feel like I'm playing well, and for the most part making the right calls, just not getting the right cards at the right time. I do have some adjustments I'm going to try, including being more aggressive early on. One thing I've noticed is I've played a little more conservatively up front, and then have been bullied by the larger chip stacks later on. I want to be the bully...

* I'm playing this weekend in a tournament of 44 players. The winner gets a $10,000 buy in to the World Series of Poker main event and paid air fare to the Land of Hethens (aka Las Vegas). If there was ever a time to bring my A game, this is it. The winner of the main event in Vegas last year brought home... I think it was $12 million.

* I heard a funny and true line in a NOFX song on the way in this morning - "The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs"

* Watched The Departed last night. Not impressed. It was a typical mob movie. There's a mob boss, some mob lackeys, a couple of rats, and a lot of pretty gruesome killing. That's it. The end was confusing, although I admit, I'm easily confused because I just don't pay a lot of attention to mob movies. I won't talk about why I was confused, because it may spoil it for some. But does anyone know why that one dude killed the other dude? There's 87 possibilities I can think of, but unless I missed something, I don't think any can be ruled out. Ah, screw it, I don't really care...

* I done went and got myself involved in some stupid post war about Social Security reform on some stupid local message board. Why? Why do I do this to myself? I know it won't get anywhere, because the only people willing to argue the subject just hate Bush and have no real interest in discussing private SS accounts. They say things like "it will bankrupt Social Security" and "it's Bush's favor to Wall Street". Yeah, ok. Is our society so dumbed down now that we're only able to speak in bumper sticker style sentences? I realize the hatred for our current President is off the charts, but should that deter us from debating issues that face our country? Apparently it should. I guess when we stick with the status quo, and just raise taxes to pay for decreased benefits, I'll follow along like a good little sheep. I tried, it's pointless, I'm done trying.

* Am I the only parent on the face of the earth who does not want his child to have a cell phone? I know responsibility and independence are foreign concepts in today's age, but I'm of the opinion we have taken things with kids way too far. A co-worker said to me today, "just wait, Braeden will have a blackberry by the time he's four." Trust me, my dear readers, over my dead fuckin' body...

* I'm going to be a horrible parent. It's just true.

Nick

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Fuck You Friday

* I've had to cut ties with some of my links. It was sad to let them go, but if they're not posting, what's the point? I think I have an obligation to point my readers to blogs that actually post. Some people never update their links. I'm not like them, I like to keep things clean.

* People in general are posting very little these days. It's kind of boring actually. I'm too impatient to wait days and days to see you write that you have nothing to write about. Where's the creativity people? Maybe we need another group posting session. Anyone have any ideas?

* St. Patrick's Day is Saturday. A bunch of people who aren't Irish pretending to be Irish as an excuse to get hammered... What kind of holiday is that? A damn fine one I must say. I'm Irish, the hot wife is like almost all Irish, so a drinking we will be. Unfortunately I won't be attending festivities outside of the house, but Braeden and I intend to party it up.

* I have two poker tournaments this weekend. One of them is the last Juvenile Diabetes fundraiser for this year. It was a good time for a good cause. Although last weekend was kind of an eye opener. I was sitting between two guys who should have been dead because of diabetes, but luckily caught it in time.

* Fuck you, it's Friday.

Nick

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Cover Artist of the Week

When I was a young kid growing up, I listened to a lot of punk rock. I never listened to Metallica, because only metalheads listened to Metallica, and well, we used to beat up the metalheads. But as I got older and began to appreciate different music more, I began to listen to and even like some Metallica. I especially grew in love with a little number called One. These days, if I had to rank my top 10 songs, I would probably put One at about seven.

Also, as I got older, I also grew to love the acoustic guitar. Besides playing some myself, I flock to acoustic musicians like flies on shit. So, you can imagine my excitement and glee when I found an acoustic cover of the aformentioned One, by a previous Artist of the Week, Rodrigo y Gabriela. And kids, this is not just your regular acoustic cover, this one (or One) will seriously rock your fricken socks off.

Now, most of the time I will just throw music out there. If you listen to it (which most of you don't) and like it, fine whatever. If you don't, fine whatever. If the mainstream crap they play on the radio is good enough for you, it's not my problem. I can only lead the horse (you) to water (good, better music).

It is not often that I will say - if you don't listen to this song, I will kidnap your family, sell them into slavery and then torture you so bad you'd wish you were in the hands of the Egyptian Secret Police. But today is one of those days when I will say that. So, if you don't listen to this song, I will kidnap your family, sell them into slavery and then torture you so bad you'd wish you were in the hands of the Egyptian Secret Police. Don't test me.

One - Rodrigo y Gabriela

And then when you're done with that One, check out some other Rodrigo y Gabriela songs. And then go buy their album or check out a show.

Mr Tang
Unknown title

Nick

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I'm thirsty!

Wow. I mean, WOW! This is probably the single best invention since the Orgasmatron 3000. Think about it, it's so logical! You start with big boobs and a bra full of alcohol. Presumably you're doing this to attract the attention of, well, any guy. So you find one lucky schmuck, he's sees your big boobs, moves in and of all things, you offer him a drink. From your boobs!!! Now one would tend to think, the more alcohol you lose as he drinks up, the smaller your boobs become and he's probably going to be less interested, right? Wrong! Did you ever hear the expression - the more I drink, the prettier you get?

See, the more a male drinks, the less he needs visual appetizers, so to speak... And this product behaves in perfect harmony with that. Ideally, by the time the alcohol is gone, he will not care or even notice that you have, er, inflated your assets...

It's brilliant I tell you. Just brilliant. Two, uh, thumbs up.

btw - unless you're hanging out in a walk-in cooler, I'd suggest a beverage that you can drink warm. Vodka and lemonade comes to mind. Obviously better chilled, it's not the end of the world if it's a tad warm. It's my beverage of choice for those warm summer days. Trust me, put beer in these and try to give it to some dude, and it will get spit back up all over you...

hat tip - thrillist

Nick

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Monday, March 12, 2007

i think PETA is stupid...

Maybe some day I will actually get to the rest of the quiz questions, but I think I want to focus on one in particular because I was surprised by some of the answers. Obviously some of you are new to my blog. But I asked whether you thought People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was a good or bad organization. Some of you answered correctly (bad), some of you... well... You can't expect everyone to have spent the last decade learning the truth about so-called animals rights groups. Luckily for you though, I have. I've been involved in dog clubs and dog rescues since I was 18 and I've learned a lot in that time about animals. The good, the bad and the ugly.

So I thought, and I wondered, and I thought some more. Why do people think that a radical terrorist organization like PETA is good? Or even not all that bad? And then I seen this quote, and it all made sense:

"When I first heard of PETA, the idea that it would be called People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals appealed to me because it was elegant and gentle about the idea that we simply just need to treat them ethically. I think the idea has grown from that platform, and now it’s a huge voice for animal awareness." Sir Paul McCartney

Whether we like to admit it or not, we do judge books by their cover. When PETA was formed, they realized that they needed a name that covers for their true intentions. After all, no one would support a group if it were called People for Setting your Pets Free, or People for Euthanizing All Shelter Animals, or something crazy like that.

Now, I could share with you some things like - PETA has euthanized 80% of the 17,000+ shelter animals they've taken in over the past 10 years, or, they routinely dump dead animals in mall dumpsters, or, they equate farming to the holocaust, or, they praised Timothy McVeigh for being vegetarian, or, they financially support the Animal Liberation Front which is considered "the most serious domestic terrorism threat" by the FBI. It goes on and on and on. But instead of going thru all of that, I think instead it would be better to hear it directly from them. And then you can decide for yourself what you think about PETA. Remember, don't judge a book by it's cover (this also applies to the Humane Society of the United States (HSUS)).

"Pet ownership is an absolutely abysmal situation brought about by human manipulation." Ingrid Newkirk, Co-founder of PETA, (Just Like Us? Harper's, August 1988, p. 50.)

"The cat, like the dog, must disappear... We should cut the domestic cat free from our dominance by neutering, neutering, and more neutering, until our pathetic version of the cat ceases to exist." John Bryant, (Fettered Kingdoms: An Examination of A Changing Ethic, Washington, DC: PETA, 1982, p. 15.)

"Six million people died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses." Ingrid Newkirk, ("She's A Portrait of Zealotry in Plastic Shoes," Washington Post, November 13, 1983, p. B10)

"We feel that animals have the same rights as a retarded human child because they are equal mentally in terms of dependence on others." Alex Pacheco, Co-founder of PETA, (New York Times, January 14, 1989)

"A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy." Ingrid Newkirk, (Washingtonian Magazine, August 1986)

"To those people who say, `My father is alive because of animal experimentation,' I say `Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.' Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade off." Bill Maher, PETA celebrity spokesperson

"Even if animal tests produced a cure [for AIDS], 'we'd be against it.'" Ingrid Newkirk, ("Politics" Vogue, September 1989, p. 542)

"Until your daddy learns that it's not 'fun' to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He's so hooked on killing defenseless animals that they could be next!" PETA flyer targeting children, (Asbury Park Press, September 23, 2005)

"Meat consumption is just as dangerous to public health as tobacco use. It's time we looked into holding the meat producers and fast-food outlets legally accountable." Neal Barnard, President of Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) and PETA's Medical Advisor, (PCRM press release, "Physicians Advise Feds to Go After 'Big Meat' Next", September 23, 1999)

"There is so much blood on this chicken-killer's hands, a little more on his business suit won't hurt." Bruce Friedrich, PETA Director of Vegan Outreach, (PETA news release, June 23, 2003)

"Serving a burger to your family today, knowing what we know, constitutes child abuse. You might as well give them weed killer." Toni Vernelli PETA European Campaign Director, (PETA Europe news release, Meat Expo Declared A 'Danger Zone' By Vegetarians: PETA Targets Smithfield 2000, November 27, 2000)

"We are complete press sluts." Ingrid Newkirk, (The New Yorker, April 14, 2003)

"Probably everything we do is a publicity stunt ... we are not here to gather members, to please, to placate, to make friends. We're here to hold the radical line." Ingrid Newkirk, (USA Today, September 3, 1991)

"Here's a little model I'm going to show you here. I didn't have any incense, but, this is a crude incendiary device. It is a simple plastic jug, which you fill with gasoline and oil. You put in a sponge, which is soaked also in flammable liquid. I couldn't find an incense stick, but this represents that. You put the incense stick in here, light it, place it underneath the 'weapon of mass destruction,' light the incense stick, sandalwood works nice, and you destroy the profits that are brought about through animal and earth abuse. That's about two dollars. " Rodney Coronado, animal rights felon for the 1992 Michigan State University firebombing, and recipient of PETA funds, speaking at the National conference on Organized Resistance, American University, Washington DC, January 26, 2003.
Note: PETA donated $45,200 to the Coronado Support Committee in 1995. During the previous year, while Coronado was still on the loose and living underground, PETA granted a loan (not yet repaid) to Coronado's father for $25,000.

"When you're a 20-something grassroots activist, and you're deciding how to spend your time and money to make a difference, it makes a lot of sense to cause a million in damage with just $100 of investment. That's a better return than any other form of activism I've been involved in." Rodney Coronado, (LA Weekly, August 29, 2003)

"Every time a police agency pepper sprays or uses pain-compliance holds against our people, their cars should burn." Rodney Coronado, American University, January 26, 2003

"I think [food producers] should appreciate that we're only targeting their property. Because frankly I think it's time to start targeting them." Rodney Coronado, American University, January 26, 2003.

"It is dangerous to engage in even the most innocuous-seeming discourse with the FBI/Homeland Security/a local detective." Ingrid Newkirk, (letter to activists posted on Yahoo, March 17, 2003)

"Hit them in their personal lives, visit their homes. Actively target U.S. military establishments within the United States. Strike hard and fast and retreat in anonymity. Select another location, strike again hard and fast and quickly retreat in anonymity. Do not get caught. DO NOT GET CAUGHT. Do not get sent to jail. Stay alert, keep active, and keep fighting." Craig Rosenbraugh, radical animal rights spokesperson for terrorism and a recipient of PETA funds, (open letter to activists, published on the Independent Media Center website, March 17, 2003)
Note: In 2001, PETA contributed $1,500 to the North American Earth Liberation
Front (ELF) "to support their program activities," according to an IRS form filed with the state Attorney General's Office. The money paid for ELF spokesman Craig Rosenbraugh to travel to Washington, D.C., to testify at a congressional hearing, said PETA spokeswoman Lisa Lange.


"Getting arrested is fun." Dan Mathews, PETA's director of international campaigns (Orange County Weekly (CA), July 25 - 31, 2003)

"I will be the last person to condemn ALF (the Animal Liberation Front)." Ingrid Newkirk, (The New York Daily News, December 7, 1997)

"If an 'animal abuser' were killed in a research lab firebombing, I would unequivocally support that, too." Gary Yourofsky, founder of Animals Deserve Adequate Protection Today and Tomorrow (ADAPTT), now employed as PETA's national lecturer

"A burning building doesn't help melt people's hearts, but times change and tactics, I'm sure, have to change with them. If you choose to carry out ALF-style actions, I ask you to please not say more than you need to, to think carefully who you trust, to learn all you can about how to behave if arrested, and so to try to live to fight another day." Ingrid Newkirk, (ALF quarterly Bite Back, February, 2003)

"If we really believe that animals have the same right to be free from pain and suffering at our hands, then, of course we're going to be, as a movement, blowing things up and smashing windows. I think it's a great way to bring about animal liberation. I think it would be great if all of the fast-food outlets, slaughterhouses, these laboratories, and the banks that fund them exploded tomorrow. I think it's perfectly appropriate for people to take bricks and toss them through the windows. Hallelujah to the people who are willing to do it." Bruce Friedrich, PETA's director of Vegan Outreach, (Animal Rights Conference, 2001)

"Arson, property destruction, burglary and theft are 'acceptable crimes' when used for the animal cause." Alex Pacheco, Co-founder of PETA

"I wish we all would get up and go into the labs and take the animals out or burn them down." Ingrid Newkirk, (National Animal Rights Convention June 27, 1997)

"[I see] a spark of hope in every broken window, every torched police car." Joshua Harper, ALF and ELF activist, recipient of PETA funds, (The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 18, 2001)
Note: In 2000, PETA gave $5,000 to the Josh Harper Support Committee.

"Our nonviolent tactics are not as effective. We ask nicely for years and get nothing. Someone makes a threat, and it works." Ingrid Newkirk, (US News and World Report, April 8, 2002)

"I openly hope that it (hoof-and-mouth disease) comes here. It will bring economic harm only for those who profit from giving people heart attacks and giving animals a concentration camp-like existence. It would be good for animals, good for human health and good for the environment." Ingrid Newkirk, (ABC News interview April 2, 2001)

Nick

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Friday, March 09, 2007

i think other parents are stupid...

You know how I've been saying that I have all these posts just waiting to be written? How I have ideas coming out of my ears, that just need time for me to sit down and expand on them? Well, I'm looking over the quiz answers on what you would like me to write about, and I see some of you are waiting for posts about parenting. And then I look over my post idea list. There are no post ideas about parenting.

Sure, I'll probably post some more funny parent-like patents with some stupid commentary, and I'll probably even post some pictures of Braeden... But I don't have any posts about how parenting is going, different things we do with Braeden, different things we don't do, etc... And I'm sure you're wondering, "Well, why the hell not? We want to hear about these things!"

The reason I don’t want to post about any of those things is because I don't want any input or opinions on how we are raising our kid. And if there is one thing parents like to give other parents, it's input and opinions on how to raise your kid. If I write about how having Braeden baptized is not very high on my priority list, I'll get emails and comments about how we should have him baptized. If I write about what we feed Braeden, I'll get emails and comments about child nutrition and what he should and should not be eating. If I write about how we put him in his swing every morning and let him watch the Wiggles on TV while we run around and get ready in the morning, I'll get emails and comments about how kids shouldn't watch TV, and how we should be stay at home parents so we don't neglect him by not always giving him our full attention.

It's the same thing when you talk to other parents. Bring up any subject relating to kids, and all of a sudden you're bombarded with opinions and advice, and do this and do that, and you're a bad parent if you don't do this and blah blah blah. I know they mean well. I know they're trying to help. I just don't want it. I'm way too independent and opinionated myself to have discussions about raising our kid with other people.

Any other subject I'm open for discussing. Politics, social issues, culture, music, art, or even nothing in particular at all (which we do a lot of here). Unfortunately for some of you though, parenting will probably not be a topic we discuss here. There are, however, gazillions of other parenting blogs and websites, full of people who do want to discuss these things.

My sincerest apologies in advance.

Nick

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

i think homeless people are stupid...

I plan to get to the quiz at some point, but I wanted to give it a couple of days, in case anyone else wants to do it. I don't want to influence anyone. But, like I've said before, I have so many things to post about, I just don't want to wait around for a few days.

I'm going to tell you something that I'm sure won't shock a lot of you. I hate Michael Moore. No, not because he's a liberal douche bag and I'm not. I actually love liberals. But because his "documentaries" suck. They really should be considered liberal conspiracy theories that don't even make sense, supported by simply taking what people say, taking it out of context and cobbling it all together with some liberal, geeky voice-over. I know, tell us how you really feel, right?

I'm pretty sure I could follow anyone around with a camera all day, get them to talk about certain things, and then take what they say and by chopping it up and taking it out of context, make them say just about anything I want. Eventually we all say stupid things. Even I, as incredibly smart and entertaining as I am, say incredibly stupid things from time to time, and I'm sure some moron like Michael Moore would have a field day with me.

Case in point...

I'm driving with a friend the other day in front of our office and I notice there are workers simply cutting the Christmas lights off the trees, instead of unwrapping them and saving them. Apparently someone with a degree in Economics at one time determined that it would be more cost effective to simply buy new lights every year, as opposed to all the work it takes to take them down and store them.

So, I think for like two seconds and then I say probably the stupidest thing I could have possibly said at that point...

"Couldn't they just take them down and give them to homeless people or something?"

*Cue Michael Moore's obnoxious voice-over.

Nick

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I bet you think this post is about you...

As usual, I have a ton of different topics that I want to write about. I like to keep a laundry list of things to write about so, unlike the rest of you, I can write and update my blog on a regular basis. I may not be the best writer, or the most interesting writer, but I'm convinced the only way to get and retain readers is to write. Makes sense right? I'm also convinced that the only way to get participation on a blog is to let the readers do the writing. And so, I invite you, dear wonderful reader, to write.

That's right ladies and PGE (I think you're the only male reader I have), it's quiz time again. Quiz time is where I decide the topic (questions) and you get to provide the content (answers). As usual, the questions range from current event type questions, to, well... whatever else I can think of. Let's ride...

1. Do you think parents should be held responsible for their kids missing school, as in fining them or putting them in jail?

2. You're in an airplane and you've just been informed it's going to crash and you're all going to die. A fairly attractive member of the opposite sex, sitting next to you asks if you want to go out with a bang (have sex). Do you?

3. You catch the early flight home from San Diego and catch your SO in bed watching porn. Just as you think, "hey, great", another couple walks out of your bathroom, naked and blindfolded, like some kind of fuckin' magic show, ready to get it on. Before you do anything, your SO asks you to join. Do you?

4. Let's suppose the hot wife and I had an anonymous sex blog. We of course would never do such a thing. Gross... But say we did and we gave you the address, would you read it on a regular basis? Would you tell your SO about it?

5. Has this blog, or anything directly relating to it, ever come up in a conversation you've had with anyone else?

6. Do you think the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is a good organization, or a bad organization?

7. Do you support random drug testing in schools?

8. What's for dinner?

9. Do you think Simon Cowell is funny, or mean?

10. If you could pick any topic for me to write about it, what would it be?

Remember, I track all visits, and will know if you don't participate. Don't make this awkward...

Nick

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

ZAP, bitch!

In 1992 a person named Lonnie Johnson woke up and discovered his baby had pissed himself. Apparently peeved by the fact that the baby did not cry to alert his wife, so she could get up in the middle of the night to change him, he devised:

An apparatus for use with a diaper to detect the occurrence of a wet condition in the diaper and produce an alarm signal in response to such detection

A clever idea, no doubt, but practical? I mean, have you ever tried to change a diaper on a baby that has just discovered he has legs and feet, and they taste really weird? There's no way you are getting that tab thing to line up and stay in one spot.

Fortunately for the not so innovative thinkers, the process comes with inherent notifiers, or alarms if you will (i.e. wet clothes, screaming, the sound of your wife getting up in the middle of the night, etc).

See, I don't think Lonnie's idea here is really attacking the root of the problem. After all, do you just want to know your baby has pissed himself after the fact? Or do you want to prevent the pissing from taking place in the diaper in the first place? The latter I would imagine, unless you're a heavy sleeper and the sound of your wife sleepwalking out of the room doesn't wake you up as well...

I propose a similar idea, but one that addresses the actual pissing. Instead of using that stupid little tab to detect the wetness and alert the alarm, you simply allow for two exposed wires. Which are connected to a battery. You see where I'm going with this? When the kid pisses, the exposed wires, fully charged from the battery, shock the shit out of the kid.

Think of when you were little and your mom grabbed your hand and stuck it on the stove top while she was cooking, and said, "there you little shithead, that's hot, and now you won't be so stupid as to go and touch it." Now, after the baby gets shocked from pissing the first time, he'll know not to piss himself again. So, instead of some alarm after the fact, the crying of the kid provides a pre-pissing alarm. At which time you can point to the bathroom and let him know how the smart people do it.

Let's face it, there's only so many innovative ideas to go around. Luckily for you, most of them are here.

Nick

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Monday, March 05, 2007

I think alcohol is stupid...

There are many, many good things that can happen when you consume too much alcohol. After all, I'm sure a lot of us would not be here if it were not for the stuff. But, along with the good, come the bad. Or maybe not bad, but let's say, otherwise undesirable. Like, I don't know... you hook two friends up, they get along great, you wish they could be a couple, you think they wish they could be a couple, but they live 300 miles apart.

Nice job dumbass. As if the world isn't complicated enough.

There's a reason we typically don't hook people up. Aside from the fact that most of my friends are losers, and I couldn't in good faith subject the fine women of the world to them, it's more work than it's worth. You have to arrange the meeting, play wingmen... er, people, the whole time you're all together, and then you have to give up your couch for the night while god knows what is going on.

And then there is the next day, which is awkward because no one is drunk anymore, except for you because you only got four hours of sleep and that's not enough to make alcohol go away. And then (no more and then!), and then, there is Monday. What’s Monday, besides my fun day? Monday is when you are tasked with feeling your friends out to see how everything went, and if there is any desire for more awkward meetings and excessive alcohol consumption and couch giving up and god knows what else.

And what do you get out of all this? This hard work and awkwardness? Nothing. Now I know how Gandhi felt. Gandhi did all that work for the people, and what did he get out of it? He got shot in the fuckin' face.

Oh, and also, when you consume too much alcohol, you may inadvertently plan vacations to the Twin Cities to see Mason Jennings in concert.

Real nice dumbass. Could I possibly come up with anymore bright ideas?

btw - I'm shocked and depressed that apparently you robots are not impressed by pictures of PUPPIES in the post below. I've gotten more action on our new sex blog in two days than I have here in six months...

Nick

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

We're cute!

I don't do much with Rottweiler rescue these days, but occasionally I will go to shelters in the area and bring dogs to the state rescue. I've always liked evaluating dogs and doing transports, but I think next weekend will be especially entertaining. These are the dogs, plus another two year old, that I'll be bringing to the rescue...



Don't worry, I'll be sure to take some more pictures...

Nick

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